JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

Elena Harder JoyGasm Catalyst, and Visionary Lover

Laughing and eye gazing with myself

Laughing and eye gazing with myself (while brushing my teeth with organic happy toothpaste 2 minutes), a JoyGasm while visualizing my highest vision for the future (2 minutes), and writing the 5 best moments of the day right before bed (5 minutes)… and of course I love you's! (1 min)

Things that can't be missed, but take more time than 2 minutes.
Cuddle and snuggle my son before bed. JoyGasm and intimacy with my partner (which is so juicy, and 2 minutes is NOT enough time to really honour connection, which gets SO much deeper! And deeper and deeper!)

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self love is the act of accepting and appreciating yourself. ESPECIALLY your less nice aspects. Self love is a moment to moment practice of remembering your highest self, the one that is love, and allowing that to wash over your human experience, and bring acceptance to exactly what you are experiencing right now. It means choosing moment to moment to remember that it's all illusion, and that you are witnessing yourself, doing whatever that is. Self love is also a commitment to continuing to do things that support you to feel nurtured and cared for. Self love sometimes includes asking other people for help to love yourself, and it often involves doing things that are uncomfortable at first.

Self love is important because otherwise self hatred has room to grow. Self love is crucial because it is the food and the support that you need to continue to grow and change as a person. Without it, you won't be able to make the big leap, or believe in yourself enough to do what you want to do, and make the impact you came here for.

The most powerful way I've found to do it, is to lean into the moments of challenge, and face my fears by saying "I love the one who… whatever the negative experience is." And of course "I Love You's"

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Biggest struggle is that I'm feeling like I don't have that many relationships that matter to me, and that makes me feel sad and lonely. It's changed a lot in the last few years as I've learned more about self love, because I've felt like this since before I can remember, and now I consciously choose to reach out and connect with people who I know (intellectually at least) love and support me no matter what I do. I didn’t used to do that, so I felt like I didn’t have people who loved me, and I also didn’t talk to the people who did, so I felt extra alone. (Plus beating myself up for being bad at friendship). I now beat myself up a LOT less than I used to.

What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

Owning my projections. Any time I point a finger at someone else and say "you're doing this to me" I’ve trained myself to breathe first. And then ask the questions, how is this related to me, why does this trigger me? How can I express and lean into this, how can I let it go of attachment to this feeling, integrate it and come to understanding. All of these are flowed together into the JoyGasm Transmutation process, which helps me immensely in these moments.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

TIME. Seriously. And myself. When JoyGasm came to me, I saw myself rolling it out and being an international superstar inspiring others within a matter of 6-12 months from when I started. Boy was I wrong. It's been over 4 years, and I'm still working on being seen and heard, and most importantly BEING OKAY WITH SUCCESS. My own programing and self talk continually gets in the way. But I know that having a big vision helps with this a ton.

Also published on Medium.

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Elena Harder. Courage Catalyst, LifeStyle Artist and Joy Hacker. Elena created JoyGasm to heal her experience of postpartum depression, self sabotage, overworking, people pleasing, and an abusive alcoholic relationship. Since then she’s helped hundreds of others meet their JoyGasmic Self to heal broken hearts, remove negative self talk, eliminate stress, fear and depression, and bring immense joy into daily life. Her current personal records for longest standing greeting hug is 22 minutes, longest continuous solo laugh 26 minutes, and longest collaborative laugh at 1 hour 45 minutes!