Ever felt like you were stuffing your emotions?
Ever felt like you got lost in telling the “story” of how you’re feeling?
Ever wondered if there was a better way to process and move through what you’re feeling?
How do you even begin to learn how to feel safe to express your emotions?
Want to laugh? Let's laugh together! Practice along with me.
From a keynote I gave at Hubud in Bali.
Today, I’m at my office, I’m in the process of upleveling my business, I’m outsourcing and I have a bunch of emails to answer, quotes to send, projects to move forward with. It’s a busy time, and, all I want to do is curl up under my desk and possibly cry. Level Up Overwhelm has many faces, and sometimes it feels like that.
So, like the authentic, heart centered entrepreneur that I am, I decide to curl up under the desk. I’m going to do it with gusto, and with purpose. Feel all the feelings, let it go. I set a 4 minute timer, GO, revel in it. It feels so good to give into the urge, I get down on the peanut crumbs on the floor (I should sweep it I think) and I cry a few tears.
And then I’m just laying there, I don’t want to leave, but I’m not in the same space I was before of really WANTING to curl up. And I listen to the sounds around me. There are 4-5 male voices, all in conversation with business prospects, whatever it is that they are doing for their businesses. I wonder, why is it that I am curled up under my desk, and they aren’t? What is it in me that creates this? Am I more sensitive, is it because I’m a woman? Why is it that I’m here, and they aren’t.
The 4 minute timer goes, and I get back up from under my desk, I do a little prayer, thank you to my desk for the safe space, and I come to write this piece about courage.
When you are moving to the next level of your life, there will be moments when you want to curl up and cry. It takes courage to honor the emotions, receive the power from them and then to get back to the good work of changing the world.
So that’s the secret to courage. First, you have to be willing to feel uncomfortable. Some would say you should avoid discomfort all together, others will say you have to get comfortable with feeling discomfort. I would offer a third path. You have to get comfortable using discomfort as a fuel source.
Today that looks like replying to all my emails, even though part of me wants to just run away from all the clients! And then later, looking at why that makes me want to run away so much.
Today I want you to ask yourself, what makes you uncomfortable in your business?
Do you let that feeling rule you, or do you push through it?
I'm a procrastinator, because sometimes I get scared. Today it's showing up because I’ve got an email to send. It will take me approximately 5 minutes to write from start to finish. That is, if I just sit down and do it. In actuality it will take me 5 days to get the courage up to write it. In fact, I will write 2 blog posts, 3 future scenes, 20 minutes in my journal every night, and about 15 other emails in between now and when that trigger filled email actually gets written.
The email I need to send will probably end up in him signing up to work with me. I’ve already put it off for 2 weeks, and been asked to reply TWICE by him. Yet, I can’t, won’t, don’t haven’t. I will eventually, write it. Maybe.
My triggered pain body, my ego, and the part of me that fights the growth my business tooth and nail, the part that wants to fail, is in FULL power and activity right now. On top of that, for some reason I’m also refusing to do the inner work that would make the email sending a simple task again.
There’s a historical story I told about answering all my emails and being a good business woman. Then I end up crying on the floor. It’s funny you know, this self reflective universe we live with. I wrote about it, and it came back for me to heal. It popped into my reality big time. It’s been INCREDIBLY excruciatingly difficult for me to answer simple day to day business emails.
It’s all perfect. I was planning on writing about the Conscious Entrepreneur’s Top 5 Self Sabotage techniques anyways. I’ve been doing “research” I guess!
I’ve been doing an excellent job cultivating the experience. Reveling in the shit of it all.
I know from experience that if I don’t stop avoiding it, if soon I don’t dive to the depths of this, seeing the truth and illusion, and collecting the power from it, it’s going to get worse. Much worse. *shudders*
So, as a “conscious” entrepreneur who doesn’t watch TV, has committed to no longer emotional eat, and hates feeling guilty about not sitting in front of a computer when she “should be working”. This is how I distract my triggered self, while keeping “busy”. They are the top 5 Self Sabotage Patterns, and when I see them, time after time, they remind me to come back to doing the deep inner work.
1. Facebook. I’ll spend hours consuming other peoples content, especially when I’m feeling like I have something really important I could be doing in business. Or something specific I should be sharing/saying and am avoiding doing it. This can also show up as hours of re-posting OPC (other peoples content) instead of creating my own mastermind diamond marketing material. (see below for my quick fix for this one)
2. Consuming. Eating up other peoples online courses and email marketing. I find myself considering investing in another program, or worse buying yet another program just to see what the competitors are doing, or reading/watching someone else’s marketing material. Especially since there are several of my own courses I want to design. Or maybe complete some of the OTHER courses I bought that have yet to be completed, or not implemented. Consuming also includes: Eating (organic chocolate, popcorn slathered in coconut oil, curry and cinnamon, homemade kombucha, kale chips etc. All have been used to avoid the pain of not sending email, it’s sad to say, but true.) Along with the more traditional drinking, smoking or drugging to avoid the discomfort.
3. Selective Silence. I’ll stop emailing back, stop talking, avoid calling, or otherwise just cease speaking. If it gets really bad, they might call me directly, and I might not answer.
4. Shiny Object Syndrome. Also known as “I’m about to have a breakthrough, so let’s switch projects.” Often right before a big breakthrough there is a place of contraction. During this time we are going to want to change focus, loose track, give up, never come back, die. All normal.
5. OMG Clean. I’ll organize folders, re-read old journals, clean out my recycling bin, organize my desktop, wash dishes, clean the toilets, sweep behind the fridge. Yup. Me, the queen of “I love living in tropical places because it comes with a maid” will downright start to clean if faced with too much fear of emailing. It’s a dirty form of self sabotage, but I’ll admit to it.
So how do we deal with it? Well, in this moment, I'm paralyzed. I can’t answer that email, can’t open it even. I’m either scared that people will say (usually) good things, or bad things (rarely), or in between things. But whatever I do, if I can put off finding out, or doing it, or whatever it is I am avoiding. God help me, I will put it off until the guilt has driven me mad. So I do the healthy self sabotage thing, and slide sideways, and create some content.
A quick fix for consuming content on Facebook, is to make a micro commitment that if you scroll more than 4 posts, you MUST comment on the content or create something unique on the next post. This will either push you to the edge of your comfort zone and make you say something unique, or it will get you the heck off facebook.
Either way, mission accomplished.
I’ll be diving into each of the Self Sabotage Patterns in week 4 of the JoyGasmic Mastermind, and I’ll share the journey with you along the way! Along with identifying them, there is a simple way of transmuting each of these patterns into something that can actually accelerate your business growth. It’s called Healthy Self Sabotage, and I’ll share the best of my tips on how to turn sabotage into healthy self sabotage. It turns stuckness, fear, and stress into an experience that is positively JoyGasmic.
I’ll see you next week! Much love,
It’s 2:22. Some day in July 2015. I’m sitting lounging on green silk, propped up on pillows, in a hammok, on the 3rd floor of a cabana type house on the coast of Mexico. I'm surrounded on 4 sides by native jungle, and on 1.5 sides there is ocean, with islands that I love to paddle around. The sounds of crickets is so present you don’t even hear it, nature is all around, the birds call out from time to time and laugh with me.
I’m on a business call, listening to a client talk about their business, how they are helping people live happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives. We’re talking about big visions, and the vastness of possibility, and also about how I can help take the minutia of business off their hands. There’s a sense of synergy in the air, and it’s palpable. I feel alive, and vibrant, and on purpose. I’ve had soul raising goosebumps at least 3 times in the conversation already, and now it’s 2:22. Joy fills my soul.
The client is talking about something, telling a story about their business experiences. So part of my mind wanders back to the trigger memory I created. It's about a year ago, my best friends face fills my mind, she's beautiful. I’m at her house, we’re celebrating together. Dancing like crazy fools in her living room because it’s the 1 year anniversary of “last day of bus”.
Along with that joyful memory, comes the year before. It’s a peak memory of sorrow. In 2013, this alarm at 2:22 meant I had to put my laptop down, let go of my precious business space, and go drive a fucking school bus. I hated it. There is a memory of sobbing with my head in her lap. I was so upset, my soul tortured by the monotony of useless tasks, and the abject terror of “what if I never escape this bus job. What if this is my life?”
Today, I’m not doing any of those things, but I’m thinking about them. Why? Because of something called the Reverse Gap. Let me tell you a little bit more about it, and how you can use it yourself.
I’m greatful for the entirety of the moment, the current moment, the celebration, the distant past, the knowledge of that the power of that shift is being projected into the future and creating powerful change for my current self. I am so happy, and I am so proud, and I am so READY to share.
· You know where you are.
· You know where you want to be.
· There’s a GAP between these two things.
· Sometimes the the gap inspires you. You know you're on a path to greatness.
Sometimes the gap makes you miserable, because you’re not there yet.
· On bad days, the HUGENESS of the gap makes you lose motivation and cry for a week.
Or... you could look at it like this.
· You know where you are.
· You know where you want to be.
· You know where you were a year ago.
· You’re able to see how much progress you’ve made (aka your bus story!)
· On good AND bad days, the gap fuels your fire, and pushes you forward into your vision.
And this is why I celebrate the cursed bus, every single day of my life. Because it was just over a two years ago that I claimed my “last day of a job job EVER” and had the best month in my business yet. The bus showed me what my life could look like as a single mom if I didn’t put my nose to the vision board and get MOVING on my dream. It gave me the fear and the fuel to create the growth I’ve created in my life!
A modern celebration version of this is my little celebration that you're getting THIS particular peice of content, because I'm processing big stuff right now and I can't share what's going on in real time. This is a reminder for me, becuase it wasn't so long ago that I was completely unable to share book chapters or blog posts through my newsletter AT ALL, I was paralyzed by the fear of what you might think, and that I was too much in my honest expression.
The blessing of that, is that now I have a backlog of things I haven't shared, so I have the room to keep sharing the whole journey authentically, and be scared at the same time. This is the first time in the history of my writing, that I've kept writing, even when I was scared, instead of clamming up and not talking. This is a historic moment in the history of me. A new benchmark for my reverse gap.
Leave a comment about what YOUR reverse gap is.
Put a Reverse Gap reminder into your phone, and spend moments celebrating how far you've come!
The Theory Of JoyGasm
Energy in motion through you can feel in one of two directions. Pleasure, or pain. If it is not in motion through you, it is because you are avoiding one of these two states. If it is not in motion, you feel numb, bored, dull.
When you experience any negative emotion, this is your opportunity to recognize there is an opportunity to choose to ride the wave on the other side. If it’s a strong negative emotion, the pleasure on the other side is just as strong, if not more so.
1. You’re feeling joyful about life.
2. A trigger occurs and you feel contrast, or notice how you have already been feeling disconnected.
3. You bring in gratitude. – Thank you for noticing this experience
4. You bring in awareness. – I am willing to feel this fully, for the purpose of JoyGasmic Transmutation.
5. You Surrender. – Feel the feeling, let it ride through.
6. You Mantra and Magnify. Once you hit the bottom of the experience, say the JoyGasm Mantra, and then Magnify the experience of pleasure through your body, opening yourself up to even greater pleasure.
I am the power and presence of JoyGasm. This isn’t real. It’s an illusion. I created it for my highest alchemy. I claim my power back now. I feel it. I feel it flowing into me. I feel it flowing and surging through me. Oh Yes, Yes, Yes! I am JoyGasm incarnate. I feel us in every cell of my body and every molecule of my soul. Let us shine our light to the world, and bring Love to all we see. Yes, Yes, Yes. Thanks, Thanks, Thanks!
Fuck this shit. JoyGasm OUT!
Activating Holy Fire. Death. Fire Pure.
Exctacty, Light. Ride it. XXXX
Go. JoyGasm. Go.
Yes yes yes.
(and then all you can do is ride it hard, all night long.. )
And then theres some more Grattitude, Amplification, Surrender, Manifestation type stuff that happens, and we get into beautiful super loops of gratitude and joy. Wow.
The theory of JoyGasm is something that came to me in the Spring of 2015. My heart was broken, my soul was in pain, my life was unsustainable, and I wanted to die. In a moment that changed my life forever, I went from bawling my eyes out, to having a full body orgasm. In this moment. I learned irrefutably that I could change states from pain to joy instantly and in a second. That I was at choice, that it was decision that kept me in that place of pain. When I realized this, I spent another 3 years beating myself up with the idea that I had this knowledge and wasn’t using it.
All of a sudden, I became non-reactive to many things that has previously triggered me. Instead of feeling frustrated, scared or resentful when I was triggered, I became excited when negative emotion would arise, as I knew it was an opportunity to claim power back, and to find my true and highest connection to the truth of that situation.
Resistance. I am UNWILLING to the do the work. A moment where I’m uncomfortable in my body, emotions, soul, and for whatever reason I am unwilling or unable to make the change that needs to be made or to start the process.
Boredom. When I feel NO energy coming through my body. I know this is a moment where there is something I am scared of, but not willing to face, so I’ve shut down the flow. In these situations I usually choose to pump the energy through my body. To find that high state, which usually results in me crying. I find the pain place and then do the process around it.
That’s it. That’s all I’m scared of. I’m not scared of fear, famine, being without enough or being overwhelmed. I am simply scared by the fear of not being willing to do the work and the stagnation that happens when I don’t do it.
For the most part these days my energy levels move between content, a neutral type happiness where I feel pleasantly surprised, amused and attentive to the processes of life. Contentment can be cutting vegetables, or waiting in life, looking at the sunset or whatever. These are moments where there is a general positive feeling, but nothing specifically amazing happening in that moment.
The other side of the spectrum is JoyGasmic ENERGY flowing full force through my body. This feels like undeniable energy pumping through my body, an incredible urge to work on projects, help people, interact, reach out. Sometimes it’s so strong that it means I feel like to deal with it I need to laugh, dance, giggle my legs, run, dance some more! Sometimes it’s fully there, but quieter, and then I broadcast joy and light to others, when it’s quiet it feels like a tingling sensation through my body, like full body goosebumps from the inside of my skin towards my heart, that extends not out from my skin, and out around me in all directions, and up in the heavens, and down into the earth.
My connection with this feeling has brought me an incredible amount of inner peace and ecstasy. Along with knowing that in my body I am able to respond to any situation with these spaces if I so desire.
While learning to be the master of your joyful+ emotions? Able to drop into JoyGasm in any moment, and turn shit into Gold.
Take a deep breathe. Another big deep breath, another and another?
Join the Next JoyGasm Mastermind
Evolutionary Nomad Entrepreneurs
Create Massive Manifestation
In Coherent Heart Focused Joy.
Registration Closes November 9th.
+ 6 EarlyBirth Bonus Sessions
PS. Also, get ready for the most amazing set of interviews EVER as I launch my podcast “100 Best at Awesomeness Fest 2015 ” Interviews.