I want to escape. I’m wandering around the kitchen looking for… something… What I really want is more wine..I snuck some while cooking dinner. But there’s only a little left, it’s not mine and it would show if I took it.
So…Blue cheese? Bread and honey? God I just want to get laid. It’s only been 1 day, but that’s WAY too long right now. Maybe I’ll do some work… there’s always more work to do… A joint.. A cigarette… My soul feels like it’s itching from the inside .. I turn another lap… A small voice inside of me says “Stop yourself Elena.. Stop yourself.. You’re stuck… Wake up.. Wake up..” But I don’t.
I wander around a few more times, to the bedroom, back again. Maybe I could just sit and read a book, that would be good self care…. But… the urge to consume.. Consumes… Something.. wine. Anything. Cheese. Right now. Fuck me. Please! If only I could spend the next 30 minutes shoving “guilt free” popcorn in my mouth, but we don’t have any.
What the fuck is happening to me? The urge to consume is so strong, and I want to feed it. If I want to explain it away, it’s a GAPS style Gut imbalance, from eating too much cheese and bread since we came to France. It wants to feed itself on it’s gorge foods. Or it’s work-ah-holicism. My never ending to do list, only compounded by the fact that we’re not yet 100% sure where we’re going to land in 2 days time in Barcelona, and god help us if we can’t find an AirBNB under $50 euros and end up spending $300-800 we don’t feel we have for 4 days in Barcelona, trapped between a carpool and a train we’ve already booked… fuck I hate feeling broke in Europe instead of rich in Thailand.
My body twitches, and all of a sudden I remember.. JoyGasm.
I wake up. Oh yea.. My body is spinning and convulsing in Opiate withdrawal. That’s what’s happening. . Two days in a row of being rocked in sexy bliss has primed my brain to look for more of this trancendental space, combo’ed with all the blue cheese and bread.. It’s true.. My “addictive response” is high and active these days, as is my cortisol, which is calling me to do something to connect and fix it. YES this is how i think about my behaviour.
And I know I could Gasm it out.. and feel the fullness of my feelings.. Even the thought of it calms the edge of my “consume” But I don’t want to open up to it. I’d rather be uncomfortable or shove my face full of food. But I don’t do that either. Instead I sit and I write. Which is surprisingly soothing.
I ponder the space of addiction. How is it.. that as a generation, we are addicted to technology, food, and drugs, to serial love to numb out from life. How did this happen.. and more importantly.. How do we create healthier patterns within ourselves and our communities (fuck that.. how do *I* do it??)
And I wonder.. what would a world be like, where we met those needs in community, from a heart space, using the drugs that are natually in our body/brain already. My answer comes swiftly… Max comes into the room, and sees the internal struggle that is me convulsing in resisting consumption internally and hugs me. After 10 seconds my body relaxes, after 25 and my heart opens. The insight and answer comes… Oh… all those things I was searching through, and all I really needed was… A hug.
Comment below. What’s your go to escape? Have you ever experienced something like what I described above?
There are big changes afoot. On January 12th, my life changes in a really major way (I’ll tell you more about that below!)
First I want to say thank you so much for being one of the people who are reading the chapters of Sacred Sexy Self Love as they come out. Super gratitude to for everyone who has shared feedback, typos and encouragement along the way. It’s not too late to enter the typo contest. If you want to be first to get the printed book, you can pre-order your copy here, I’m offering a gift for anyone who wants to really support and buy 10 books. OR you can support me on a more consistent basis in the creation of books, audios, and dream homes for community families and single moms by sending me a little, or a lot of money monthly through Paetron.com.
I've already pre-sold copies and it’s really put a fire under my butt to get this complete! This is good news because I’ve been writing the book solidly for about 6 months now, and my writing has caught up with present moment.
Catching up to present moment is a major oh-my-god moment or me, because for a while now, I’ve known that when the book catches up with present moment, it’s time to start imagi-writing.
That’s right. The last chapters of the book are part visualization, part manifestation, part self love, part joy, and a big helping of magic, and then watching it come true, just like I asked, or even better. And this next story is a great example of that having already happened.
Not that I haven’t been doing this all along. You know making it up, and making requests to the universe and then watching them unfold. But I’ve been enjoying pretending from time to time that I’m NOT doing that, that I’m not in charge, and that I’m somehow at the whim of magic, or victim to it all (depending on what kind of day it is.)
I know that to manifest powerfully, I have to show up authentic, vulernable, and true to myself. FULLY. Which means sharing the things that I’m most excited about, and that scare me the most to step into.
So today, I knew it was time to share about LOVE.
That’s right! I’m in love! With someone who looks at me and thinks I’m the best thing since Kombucha! I was scared to tell you this, because in the past when I announced I was in love it got bashed down. But it’s true, I got exactly what I asked for, and to make my next great step, I really have to trust it, and trust myself.
You have to trust that even though you feel you’ve had your ass kicked before, even though love let you down, even though you’ve had your heart broken. You need to be able to let go and trust, that it’s going to work out this time. And the only thing that will give you that level of trust, is to really lean into the awesomeness, really lean into love, really let yourself feel it, let it hold you, let it support you, and let it be in your life. Then, and only then can the magic happen in true fullness.
September 29th. It’s the last day before I leave Bali to go back to Canada and I have a date. I wish it was a date with a hot man who couldn’t wait for me to come back to Bali and live life together, but it’s not. I have to accept that my mission to come to Bali and meet my soul mate has not happened. I’ve dated, flirted, had fun, and walked up the back stairs. I’ve scratched my 28 and single itch, learned a ton about what it means to love with an open heart, and it’s time to go back to being a mom pretty soon. But not quite yet.
First I have a date with destiny. A friend of mine mentioned a Theta Healer yesterday, and I knew I had to go see her.
So with 4 hours left before my plane leaves, I sit down in front of Erika. “What do you want to work on today?” she asks.
I rattle off a list of things that I want to leave behind in Bali, that I’m ready to release all final resentments or attachments I have around pain in being a single mom, and a handful of other things that are going on in my life these days that I’d like to shift. She smiles like she hears this all the time and she asks for my hand, I give it to her, and she beings to muscle test me “Say my name is Elena.”
“My name is Elena.” Yes, my fingers hold strong together.
“I am a strawberry.” No, my fingers fly open.
We talk a little, she tests a few things, and makes some notes, and then comes to “I am worthy of love.” My fingers fly open, no fucking way.
She goes quiet for a bit like she’s listening to something greater.
Say “I am married to Derek.” My fingers give the strongest yes they have in the entire session.
“Well let’s clear that out” she says, and starts to rattle off her healing protocol rapid fire. My body coalesces into complete presence, there’s a fire like lightning that shoots through my body, goosebumps form on the inside of my soul, and I hear her breathing pick up. I can feel her feeling it too. There is a profound shift happening right now. I know this is why I came to see her.
We do a little more work, and then it’s time for me to go fly. As I ride the taxi, heading into 36 hours of travel time, I think about the implications of having been energetically married to my ex. Of course I attracted all of these emotionally unavailable men while I was in Bali, I was still married! On a very visceral level, my boy knows that now I’m not, and I wonder what the future holds.
In my time in Bali I’ve had a string of love affairs, short and alchemical encounters with the opposite sex that have helped to re-create me as I am. I thought I would fall in love with each one of them as they showed up in my life, I walked into evenings and weeks with them with a heart open to love. I’ve become unattached to who or how love shows up in my life, I know it will always be there. There will always be a cuddly, sexy, hot conscious man to keep me company if that’s what I desire. I know that with certainty that there will be a new lover in my life within 24 hours to 4 days of arriving in any new place, and it’s easy to open with these conscious and beautiful men.
It’s easy and it’s not. Because with each of them, as much as I am learning. I have felt this underlying yearning to be in deep alchemy with one. It be with a man who cherishes me more than the others, who will be more than a week long fling, who chooses to have me in his space on regular basis. Who I can deepen with. I know the power of deepening with one person, of creating a love bond. I yearn to allow myself to really open in trust. I’ve let go of the suffering of not having this, and the desire remains.
And then, then I meet him.
I’m heading to Bowness to give a talk about JoyGasm. I’m early, so I follow the flow of the day and end up at The Light Cellar.
When I walk through the door there is a friend of mine, and she is talking to this gorgeous man, with the face of a god and a light in his heart that radiates out. I give hello hugs to my friends on either side of him. A friend who works there comes and gives me a hug, and then I give him a hug in the middle. We talk for a little bit, and the energy is high. In the middle of the conversation, he gets up and walks out of the building. I’m a little confused, and a little sad that he’d gone.
I blush and think to myself “I like your style.” I’m in awe that this moment is happening, and I’m at a loss for words, I just stand there feeling turned incredibly turned on, excited and curious. The silence is deafening, and also completely okay. We stand there, and he seems like he’s struggling to find his next words.
A phrase that has helped me a ton in difficult conversations wanders through my mind, so I say to him. “You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.”
He seems to relax a little bit, and his next words “Are you available for intimate partnership?” makes my heart skips 3 beats and fills me with joy. I’ve had a breakthrough. It’s official, this question means I’ve escaped the loop of non-committal men. Thank fuck!
“Yes.” I say with a huge smile in my heart. The yes carries a gravity, a truth, a wholeness, the embodied knowledge that I am no longer married to my ex. In my mind, I feel the familiar question “Is this him? Is this him? If this is him, I’m game, yes, this is what I’ve been asking for.” I can feel myself opening in this moment.
“Well, except I’m going back to Bali.” I say. Instantly I’m contracted. How can this be? How can this be what I think it is, when I’m leaving so soon. Why would the universe to this to me? Why couldn’t he have showed up in Bali! I’m leaving!
We float over to the Elixir Bar, and find seats. We sit, and face each other. I wonder who is this person? We sit, deeply gazing into each others eyes for at least 5 minutes in complete silence. There is this sense of knowing. There is this space of YES, there is this wonder.
He offers me his hand, and I reach out to meet it, but I don’t touch him. We feel the energy of the space between our hands, like it is the most natural thing to do. He’s still a bit wobbly with his words, and I think it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. He says “Hands have polarities, negative and positive, giving and receiving. My right hand is my receiving hand.” I think about it for a moment. “My left hand is my receiving hand. Can I gift you something?” I hold my right hand in front of his right hand. The change is the connection is palpable. I hold myself intent, gifting him clarity, groundedness, love. I can feel the deepening of our pulse and weave together
There is a pause in the moment, and I realize I had come to get a beverage or work on my laptop, or something. None of that seems important now.
I look up and Deni is looking at us. I suddenly remember the rest of the world exists. “I wanted to order an elixir, and I have a sore tickle in my throat, maybe you can fix that?” Deni brings me a concoction to ease it. He gives Daniel this eye like he knows something big is up, and brings one for him too. “You need to gargle it, maybe three rounds” Deni says.
I’m a bit at a loss for action, as my body and mind are a blur of love and presence. Daniel takes the first plunge and gargles it in front of me. I follow suit, and we’re gargling at the bar together. We look at each other and laugh. After the third round my sore throat is totally better, and I thank Deni for the suggestion. “Daniel came in earlier today with a sore throat too.” He gives us both this knowing look, like a pure message from the universe “Can you see the magic here?”
These moments have been deep and soulful, and they come with the sensation of a wink, reminding me of the illusion. This man is not a man. He is a gift, an experience, here to remind me who I am, who I am when I feel love deeply, and remember the essence of who and what I am. In his gaze, I remember deeply the truth of my nature as a spirit, embodied in a body, experiencing deeply the feeling of love. It’s glorious, and it’s an illusion.
We go walking. Our time together is playful, full of laughter. I feel expanded, blissed. The trees are the golden sun of fall, and make rustling noises as we walk. The air is brisk, and the sun is still warm on my skin.
We come to the river, and find a spot where we can sit together. At first we sit side by side, and talk more. I feel that hesitancy I sometimes have around men when I’m attracted to them, “Don’t mention your son, you’ll scare him off.” I don’t know how old he is, his face is young, he could be 22, which in my experience means that having a 5 year old son turns this from “dream date” to absolutely nothing in about 2 seconds flat. But the way he breaths, his soul is old, it’s impossible to tell his age. I can hold the energy of possibility just a little bit longer. I manage to avoid the topic the entire conversation. I’m safe for now.
I want to be closer to him. I ask if I we can sit yab-yum. My legs move around his waist, my body sitting in his lap. He pulls me closer, in and up, and we drop into breathing together. His breath is so solid, so strong. I fall in with his rhythm, and the energy rises. I can feel the connection in our heart, and I can feel the definite block in moving it down to my hips.
As we sit there, a voice echoes across the valley “To the right, to the right.” It’s a weird moment, one that makes me wonder if this is real agian.
We move back into breath again. It’s a blissed and blessed space. I’m trying to focus and breathe my energy down. I want to connect there with him so badly. I can feel the potency, and yet my energy just… won’t.. go. Our eyes connect deeper. I can see my Tantra path so alive and vital and active in him. I have attracted this man who will sit there and join me in yab yum on a first date. This is a first date? You bet it is. The best first date I’ve ever had.
I’m also deeply aware that I’ve been in similar situations at least a half dozen times in the last 2 months. I am open to being in love and, this man, this man asked if I was open to intimate relationship. I don’t know what will happen beyond this moment, but that question is a freaking fantastic first. The feeling of love is flooding my body, and I can feel how I deeply want to attach it to him. But he doesn’t know me, and I don’t know him. To save my sanity in this moment I say in my head. “Remember the illusion Elena, this is about how you are feeling NOW, not what this means, or who he could be to you in your life, this is a reminder to anchor in this feeling of love into your life.”
While I look into his eyes, and feel deeply the illusion, I also feel the truth of connection and know that the feeling is real. I am open to being in love with this man.
I struggle to hold both truths at the same time.
As we move back into breathing more, I speak about the wind, how it is my lover, and how it often gusts when I speak the truth.
It’s mid October in Calgary. The river is about 4 degrees. Not only am I drenched, but I’m freezing. This is NOT the tropics, what the fuck! Then I look up. He’s drenched, his hair is wet and stuck to his face, and he’s even more handsome than before. That rain moment from the NoteBook, yeah, that’s my life right now. OMFG. I want to kiss him. We get up, and look at each other and our eyes connect in the most powerful way. We laugh. Time stops and it’s the most magical moment, like it’s the only moment that’s ever happened.
My playful self takes over. “We’re already wet! Let’s jump in again!”
He laughs and dives right back in. It’s so refreshing, and I feel incredibly alive. When we get back up, he moves closer to me, and I feel the pulse of our connection. It’s so huge.
“May I kiss you?” He asks, his voice stirs a place in me I didn’t know existed. My response drips with desire and barely whispers out of my mouth. “Yes!”
We weave closer to each other, the seduction and excitement building. Our faces move close together, not touching, but so connected. My body is alive and vibrant.
(That first kiss is sacred ground, and mine and his to remember, and I can’t find the words to share it with you, so please insert your own best kiss memory here.)
I’m certainly not cold anymore! We move apart again, and I reach out and hold his hand. I look up to the hill above us, and there is an elderly couple walking past us holding hands. There is this air around them of love in longevity, of relationship that endures, of many walks next to the river together, of love that deepens sweetly over years and decades.
I look back at this man, who’s hand I am holding, and I get goosebumps. I’ll take that, sign from the universe. I'll also take the reminder that this is all made up. Illusion.
“Let’s get in the river one more time.” I say, but this time it’s not a playful jump, it has this air of ceremony to it, this space of commitment, of deep love. I’m again reminded how the same thing can feel so different each time you do it.
We walk into the river together, holding hands.
We each take the plunge at the same time.
We come up, at the same moment.
We look at each other, and hold the gaze.
There is a part of me that knows deeply
that life will never be the same again
now that I’ve met him.
We walk back to the car, I’m sometimes cold, sometimes fine, and it’s amusing to see how my intention and focus will make me feel freezing, or not at all an issue. Even the cold is an illusion.
As we get close to the car, I laugh. I haven’t unpacked yet, so I still have everything I own in my trunk, including all my clothes. I am always taken care of! I start the car, crank the heat, and then move back behind the car to get changed. I pull out my painting pants, a pair of old cutoff yoga pants, and a boys shirt I found and claimed off the beach in Mexico. He’s dressing, and I want to peek, but don’t. I pick out something beautiful to wear to my event this evening, and am filled with gratitude for having a change of clothes.
We hop in the car and it’s sweltering. Awesome. We’re grateful to be warm, and laugh about the experience. I realize I’m late to meet my friend who I haven’t seen in 6 months, She is speaking at the event tonight too. This in itself is a beautiful cycle coming around again. Cindy and I met 2 years ago because we were both facilitating for a Goddess Mommies, just like this one. I shoot her a quick message, and tell her I’ll be late. I have to go now! The event starts soon.
I drive him back to his car. He gives me his email address, we talk a bit about seeing each other again, his weekend is taking him out of town and I have an event now. We part ways. Potentiality is all that remains of this magical afternoon. Only time will tell if we continue to journey together.
I drive off to my event, bubbling with the magic of the universe, the energy of love, and extra turned on for sharing JoyGasm with Goddess Mommies tonight.
Oh, and ps. He's arriving in Bali January 12th.
I remember the day I first heard about Hubud. I was sitting in a cubicle I shared with 2 other people in a co-working space in a cute surfing tourist town, Sayulita, Mexico. It was the first time in 3 years I had worked with other people around me. The first time since becoming an entrepreneur, I hadn’t been alone in my home office day after day, and I thought it was great. Someone to tap on the shoulder and ask a quick questions to, someone to enjoy moments with, conversations and sales pitches I get to overhear across the room. Most of all, people who became my friends.
One day as I was expressing this, a friend of mine said to me. “You think this is great, you should checkout Hubud.” “What’s a Hubud?” I said. He laughed. My web browser opened, and the famous first words tumbled across my page. “Our Work Is Changing”. I had no idea how prophetic and funny these words would become to me.
I planned for October of that year, and things came true even faster. By mid August I was flying to Bali, and solo, without Alex in tow (a major miracle in and of itself!) The very first thing I did when I landed was go to Hubud for social hour. I met people. I laughed so hard I cried and had to step away from the vortex of hilariousness. The next night was Invasion X. As a single mom, recently escaped into a few months of single 29 year old nomad freedom, it was mindboggling awesome! I danced, I partied, I stayed up way late, and slept in until no one woke me up.
In those first weeks of being here, not only did I quickly decide that I was going to make Bali my home. But I got a glimpse into other nomad’s worlds. I got to sit in a Tribe Wanted meeting, and hear someone else who REALLY understood UX/UI design speak to someone’s question. I got to hear someone who was PASSIONATE about plugin design (seriously? I don’t get it, but he was stoked!) I got to listen to someone who really knew marketing hash out ideas and give advice in 5 min flat. I got to listen to so many people who are experts in their fields. My field. For the first few days I was awestruck, overwhelmed at my incompetence, and their brilliance, and in a space of shock at the difference between the two.
See as someone who was self trained, and had never officially attended marketing school, design school, business school or anything of the sort, I had very early on niched early on into “graphics and websites for new age, healer types who know nothing about such things and desperately need help.” I was automatically an expert. I mean, I was working with people who couldn’t set up their own paypal accounts, and sometimes struggled with signing into their FaceBook accounts. NO ONE in that world knew any better than I did.
When I came to Hubud. That all changed. Suddenly I was at the bottom of the knowledge pool. In theory you think that would have made me super keen to learn, expand and find out more about what there was to know about UX/UI/Amazon Selling/Marketing/Graphics etc. That was part of why I had come here! To learn from amazing people, and to grow my skills!
In fact it did exactly the opposite. It catalyzed something that had been deep inside my business and myself for a long time. Which was that I wasn’t really that passionate about marketing others. I had kind of fallen into it, out of necessity, and requests from others, and built myself up as the “go to person” in my own little very niche community. (as you should do in any business, and especially the marketing world) and although I’d studied some courses, and watched others peoples marketing campaigns, I really had no idea or interest into delving really deep into any of it. The idea of A/B testing other people’s products made my skin crawl. Not a good sign.
So within a few short weeks at Hubud, I had finished up my last few projects. Bailed completely on one that was a project from hell that had been lagging and vamping my energy for months and quit it all. Giving myself a new sense of freedom in the world.
The answer became clear and obvious, as I talked to people about what I was doing here and what my journey had entailed. This long standing lover and project of mine, JoyGasm, wanted to be born, here. Now. As I looked around at Hubud, I saw some applications for it here, I saw some people talking about the ideas of Orgasmic Writing, The Art of Adventure, Killer Morning Routines, and Mindfulness to change your life. There was some potential for my message to be heard here. Then I began to open my eyes to the world outside Hubud.
When I looked outside those bamboo walls, to the streets and restaurants, and yoga studios and healing centers of Ubud. I realized that my potential in this place, that I had come 1/3 of the way around the world to work at Hubud for, was much bigger than what I had imagined. It was in fact that most fertile place in the entire world for me to bring my true self into the world, to bring my true self’s calling. To step into my JoyGasmic leadership, and my true vocation as healer (why do you think I resonated with them so much as clients? Hmmm?) and take the knowledge, experience, and yes, technical skills, I had learned for the last 4 years of marketing holistic types, and launch my own project, finally and beautifully in to the world.
So thank you Hubud. It’s been an unexpected and beautiful journey, I now love many of you as friends. I’m so appreciative for the moments we’ve shared. I look forward to Invasion X+1 and I’ll be back to give you kisses, hugs, and JoyGasm’s soon. Because beyond a place to work, a place to connect with people who I now love you’ve helped me see who I really am, you killed my design business, and in the process helped me find my passion for life again.
Today, I’m at my office, I’m in the process of upleveling my business, I’m outsourcing and I have a bunch of emails to answer, quotes to send, projects to move forward with. It’s a busy time, and, all I want to do is curl up under my desk and possibly cry. Level Up Overwhelm has many faces, and sometimes it feels like that.
So, like the authentic, heart centered entrepreneur that I am, I decide to curl up under the desk. I’m going to do it with gusto, and with purpose. Feel all the feelings, let it go. I set a 4 minute timer, GO, revel in it. It feels so good to give into the urge, I get down on the peanut crumbs on the floor (I should sweep it I think) and I cry a few tears.
And then I’m just laying there, I don’t want to leave, but I’m not in the same space I was before of really WANTING to curl up. And I listen to the sounds around me. There are 4-5 male voices, all in conversation with business prospects, whatever it is that they are doing for their businesses. I wonder, why is it that I am curled up under my desk, and they aren’t? What is it in me that creates this? Am I more sensitive, is it because I’m a woman? Why is it that I’m here, and they aren’t.
The 4 minute timer goes, and I get back up from under my desk, I do a little prayer, thank you to my desk for the safe space, and I come to write this piece about courage.
When you are moving to the next level of your life, there will be moments when you want to curl up and cry. It takes courage to honor the emotions, receive the power from them and then to get back to the good work of changing the world.
So that’s the secret to courage. First, you have to be willing to feel uncomfortable. Some would say you should avoid discomfort all together, others will say you have to get comfortable with feeling discomfort. I would offer a third path. You have to get comfortable using discomfort as a fuel source.
Today that looks like replying to all my emails, even though part of me wants to just run away from all the clients! And then later, looking at why that makes me want to run away so much.
Today I want you to ask yourself, what makes you uncomfortable in your business?
Do you let that feeling rule you, or do you push through it?
I'm a procrastinator, because sometimes I get scared. Today it's showing up because I’ve got an email to send. It will take me approximately 5 minutes to write from start to finish. That is, if I just sit down and do it. In actuality it will take me 5 days to get the courage up to write it. In fact, I will write 2 blog posts, 3 future scenes, 20 minutes in my journal every night, and about 15 other emails in between now and when that trigger filled email actually gets written.
The email I need to send will probably end up in him signing up to work with me. I’ve already put it off for 2 weeks, and been asked to reply TWICE by him. Yet, I can’t, won’t, don’t haven’t. I will eventually, write it. Maybe.
My triggered pain body, my ego, and the part of me that fights the growth my business tooth and nail, the part that wants to fail, is in FULL power and activity right now. On top of that, for some reason I’m also refusing to do the inner work that would make the email sending a simple task again.
There’s a historical story I told about answering all my emails and being a good business woman. Then I end up crying on the floor. It’s funny you know, this self reflective universe we live with. I wrote about it, and it came back for me to heal. It popped into my reality big time. It’s been INCREDIBLY excruciatingly difficult for me to answer simple day to day business emails.
It’s all perfect. I was planning on writing about the Conscious Entrepreneur’s Top 5 Self Sabotage techniques anyways. I’ve been doing “research” I guess!
I’ve been doing an excellent job cultivating the experience. Reveling in the shit of it all.
I know from experience that if I don’t stop avoiding it, if soon I don’t dive to the depths of this, seeing the truth and illusion, and collecting the power from it, it’s going to get worse. Much worse. *shudders*
So, as a “conscious” entrepreneur who doesn’t watch TV, has committed to no longer emotional eat, and hates feeling guilty about not sitting in front of a computer when she “should be working”. This is how I distract my triggered self, while keeping “busy”. They are the top 5 Self Sabotage Patterns, and when I see them, time after time, they remind me to come back to doing the deep inner work.
1. Facebook. I’ll spend hours consuming other peoples content, especially when I’m feeling like I have something really important I could be doing in business. Or something specific I should be sharing/saying and am avoiding doing it. This can also show up as hours of re-posting OPC (other peoples content) instead of creating my own mastermind diamond marketing material. (see below for my quick fix for this one)
2. Consuming. Eating up other peoples online courses and email marketing. I find myself considering investing in another program, or worse buying yet another program just to see what the competitors are doing, or reading/watching someone else’s marketing material. Especially since there are several of my own courses I want to design. Or maybe complete some of the OTHER courses I bought that have yet to be completed, or not implemented. Consuming also includes: Eating (organic chocolate, popcorn slathered in coconut oil, curry and cinnamon, homemade kombucha, kale chips etc. All have been used to avoid the pain of not sending email, it’s sad to say, but true.) Along with the more traditional drinking, smoking or drugging to avoid the discomfort.
3. Selective Silence. I’ll stop emailing back, stop talking, avoid calling, or otherwise just cease speaking. If it gets really bad, they might call me directly, and I might not answer.
4. Shiny Object Syndrome. Also known as “I’m about to have a breakthrough, so let’s switch projects.” Often right before a big breakthrough there is a place of contraction. During this time we are going to want to change focus, loose track, give up, never come back, die. All normal.
5. OMG Clean. I’ll organize folders, re-read old journals, clean out my recycling bin, organize my desktop, wash dishes, clean the toilets, sweep behind the fridge. Yup. Me, the queen of “I love living in tropical places because it comes with a maid” will downright start to clean if faced with too much fear of emailing. It’s a dirty form of self sabotage, but I’ll admit to it.
So how do we deal with it? Well, in this moment, I'm paralyzed. I can’t answer that email, can’t open it even. I’m either scared that people will say (usually) good things, or bad things (rarely), or in between things. But whatever I do, if I can put off finding out, or doing it, or whatever it is I am avoiding. God help me, I will put it off until the guilt has driven me mad. So I do the healthy self sabotage thing, and slide sideways, and create some content.
A quick fix for consuming content on Facebook, is to make a micro commitment that if you scroll more than 4 posts, you MUST comment on the content or create something unique on the next post. This will either push you to the edge of your comfort zone and make you say something unique, or it will get you the heck off facebook.
Either way, mission accomplished.
I’ll be diving into each of the Self Sabotage Patterns in week 4 of the JoyGasmic Mastermind, and I’ll share the journey with you along the way! Along with identifying them, there is a simple way of transmuting each of these patterns into something that can actually accelerate your business growth. It’s called Healthy Self Sabotage, and I’ll share the best of my tips on how to turn sabotage into healthy self sabotage. It turns stuckness, fear, and stress into an experience that is positively JoyGasmic.
I’ll see you next week! Much love,
It’s 2:22. Some day in July 2015. I’m sitting lounging on green silk, propped up on pillows, in a hammok, on the 3rd floor of a cabana type house on the coast of Mexico. I'm surrounded on 4 sides by native jungle, and on 1.5 sides there is ocean, with islands that I love to paddle around. The sounds of crickets is so present you don’t even hear it, nature is all around, the birds call out from time to time and laugh with me.
I’m on a business call, listening to a client talk about their business, how they are helping people live happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives. We’re talking about big visions, and the vastness of possibility, and also about how I can help take the minutia of business off their hands. There’s a sense of synergy in the air, and it’s palpable. I feel alive, and vibrant, and on purpose. I’ve had soul raising goosebumps at least 3 times in the conversation already, and now it’s 2:22. Joy fills my soul.
The client is talking about something, telling a story about their business experiences. So part of my mind wanders back to the trigger memory I created. It's about a year ago, my best friends face fills my mind, she's beautiful. I’m at her house, we’re celebrating together. Dancing like crazy fools in her living room because it’s the 1 year anniversary of “last day of bus”.
Along with that joyful memory, comes the year before. It’s a peak memory of sorrow. In 2013, this alarm at 2:22 meant I had to put my laptop down, let go of my precious business space, and go drive a fucking school bus. I hated it. There is a memory of sobbing with my head in her lap. I was so upset, my soul tortured by the monotony of useless tasks, and the abject terror of “what if I never escape this bus job. What if this is my life?”
Today, I’m not doing any of those things, but I’m thinking about them. Why? Because of something called the Reverse Gap. Let me tell you a little bit more about it, and how you can use it yourself.
I’m greatful for the entirety of the moment, the current moment, the celebration, the distant past, the knowledge of that the power of that shift is being projected into the future and creating powerful change for my current self. I am so happy, and I am so proud, and I am so READY to share.
· You know where you are.
· You know where you want to be.
· There’s a GAP between these two things.
· Sometimes the the gap inspires you. You know you're on a path to greatness.
Sometimes the gap makes you miserable, because you’re not there yet.
· On bad days, the HUGENESS of the gap makes you lose motivation and cry for a week.
Or... you could look at it like this.
· You know where you are.
· You know where you want to be.
· You know where you were a year ago.
· You’re able to see how much progress you’ve made (aka your bus story!)
· On good AND bad days, the gap fuels your fire, and pushes you forward into your vision.
And this is why I celebrate the cursed bus, every single day of my life. Because it was just over a two years ago that I claimed my “last day of a job job EVER” and had the best month in my business yet. The bus showed me what my life could look like as a single mom if I didn’t put my nose to the vision board and get MOVING on my dream. It gave me the fear and the fuel to create the growth I’ve created in my life!
A modern celebration version of this is my little celebration that you're getting THIS particular peice of content, because I'm processing big stuff right now and I can't share what's going on in real time. This is a reminder for me, becuase it wasn't so long ago that I was completely unable to share book chapters or blog posts through my newsletter AT ALL, I was paralyzed by the fear of what you might think, and that I was too much in my honest expression.
The blessing of that, is that now I have a backlog of things I haven't shared, so I have the room to keep sharing the whole journey authentically, and be scared at the same time. This is the first time in the history of my writing, that I've kept writing, even when I was scared, instead of clamming up and not talking. This is a historic moment in the history of me. A new benchmark for my reverse gap.
Leave a comment about what YOUR reverse gap is.
Put a Reverse Gap reminder into your phone, and spend moments celebrating how far you've come!
These days I’m pretty peaceful around it. See I’ve mostly silenced that incessant voice that says “Is it him? Is it him? Is it him? Is it him? Him? Him? Him? Is it him? Is it HIM? Is it him? Is it him? Is it him? Is it him? Is it him? Is it him? IS IT HIM???
Part of me has been asking that question every moment of my life since my son’s dad left. It’s been exhausting. Especially in Sayulita, a beach town full of half naked surfer boys, or an Ubud full of conscious nomad men on a mission. Even here, the process of going to work at Hubud, or twice a week ecstatic dance was a constant journey of finding my own center again and again.
Never mind any time I actually had a conversation with one of them! I hoped it would be him. It’s turned out (so far!) that it wasn’t any of them. On each moment where excitement turns into “I’ll see you when I see you, whenever that is.” I’ve had the opportunity to drop another level. To drop all the expectations and intentions and fears and hopes I had for what “could be” with that person.
I’m not saying that what I’m creating is bad. I mean the men that are showing up are beyond my wildest dreams from 3 months ago. There is definitely a new baseline for what’s date material. All of them beautiful, location independent businessmen, out to make a positive difference in the world. One of them was even the guy I FB stalked when I was doing research about traveling and was the reason I knew there would be eligible nomad hotties in Bali. For my birthday I had a guy I’d never met FLY TO BALI to meet me! Try not to create any expectation around that one! Holy fuckaroni!
So I’m feeling pretty good about all of it, I’ve learned so much about myself, I recognize that it’s all helped me fall more and more in love with myself. Plus without 5 year old Alex in the picture for the last 2 months it’s been fantastic to be a footloose and fancy free 29 year old hottie, instead of my usual MILK self.
“You must not want that one on one relationship right now or you'd create it. We're learning that we create everything correct? This is exactly what you are putting out into the world & you are receiving back to you men that don't want a commitment right now. So if it truly is a settled down relationship & a father figure for your son simply create it:) We all have to take responsibility for our own creations.”
Fuck. I can’t deny the truth of that. This is the longest I’ve been single for in my whole life. I know some people spend years or decades single, but as someone who’s always been in relationship, seven months is a long LONG time for me. I recognize (and just had smashed in my face by my friend) that there’s this piece in me that continues to “not create” a partner.
So now it’s time to do the inquiry. Do I actually know what I want? What’s standing in the way of me creating that?
Because I’ve watched enough things come into manifestation in my life within 3 days or 2 minutes. The next big breakthrough is only an energy shift around the corner. The next inspired lunch spot, and boom there he is.
But not if there’s part of me that doesn’t want it. Not if there’s part of me that is conflicted as to what I want.
I want the depth of a man committed to growth and love with me.
I think that’s what I want. If it were that simple I would have it. There’s got to be more than that.
It’s not the first time I’ve written the list. So I sit down to examine it.
I want someone who thinks I’m the best thing since Organic Raw Chocolate Raspberry Coconut Cream Cake, and wants to spend lots of time loving with me. A partner, a friend, a lover. Deep, passionate romantic love that endures and grows stronger for decades. Someone I admire and respect, who makes me laugh, and feels like my best friend. Someone who cherishes me, writes me love notes and tells me I'm amazing, tallented, perfect, beautiful constantly. (And means it) Someone who it feels like electricity to kiss and make love with. Someone who gets, and loves and embraces all aspects of me. Someone who is an amazing father and will one day consciously bring new life into the world with me, worship me as a goddess for being the holy womb who holds his seed and nutures life in to being. Someone who will be amazing to me through the vulnerability of pregnancy and is committed in nurturing of myself as a mother, and of that new life. Someone who is droolingly hot, and loves dancing, preferably with a great singing voice, and a passion instrument. Someone who is doing great work bringing consciousness and love to the world. Location independent, but interested in living in Bali for the forseeable future. Someone who will set aside the afternoon to roll around naked in nature with me. Who will pick flowers and tuck them behind my ear, and then nibble my neck till I twitch out in JoyGasmic bliss. Who will laugh at my silly pun jokes, and make me laugh till my cheeks hurt. Who will tickle me, and wrestle with me, and inspire adventures I wouldn’t organize on my own.
But I have kid. I know men fall in love and take on single moms sometimes. I even have some friends who fell in love and ended up with 5 or 6 kids with their two families coming together. I’m definitely clear that I’ve been saying for 5 years that I wanted someone to help me raise Alex. There have been men who came in and were good role models and helped me when I needed help. But someone who will stick around, it’s still theory at this point.
I can see how someone like that could/can/does exist, but how does that fit into my desire for a community of people to be energy playing friends and lovers with. Or a maybe being part of a quad, or a little morphing tantra/poly community. How does that fit in with a committed relationship. I can see the lack of clarity within myself.
I want that partner, and I also need him to accept me as I am. And I’m a whole hell of a lot of strange and juicy woman. JoyGasm for fucks sake. There can’t truly be someone who wants and desires all of that in a partner. I need someone who can accept that my favorite thing in the world to do is to get a group of people writhing in laughing orgasmic ecstasy. That’s weird stuff for the average person.
Now I can see the limiting beleifs that hold me back from creating him. So now I go about weeding them out. It could be as little as 3 days.
About 90% of me knows it could be true, soon. Thinks I could have already met him, just haven’t cleared enough to believe that it could be the start of relationship.
I feel like my list is too specific, too much.
That’s what it comes down to. Too Much. This is one of my core negative beliefs about myself. I’ve done at ton of work on it, and I’m doing really well these days (or you’d never see the light of day of this blog post, that’s for sure!) Too Much is something that stopped me from sharing JoyGasm for eons. Something that has me anchored into an idea that I’m strange, unruly, unloveable, and way too out there for someone to love and want to be with me.
There can’t truly be someone out there like that. Who would love me as I am. Who would take on a JoyGasmic single mom. Too much.
So since I’m here, and I’m pondering all of this. The question remains. If that’s what I believe. What emotions are underlying that, where are they trapped in my body, and am I willing to let them go, so I can create what I really want in life?
I'll let you know how it goes in the next week!
I wanted to answer this, becuase I think the biggest misconception people have about traveling is that people who travel are just like the people at home. Boy is this wrong. Because in general, in cities and suburbs, people are busy, pre-occupied by their lives, caught up in their routines, and there is a lot of space between everyone.
When you’re traveling, everyone is in nomad land, plans are up in the air, and you’re in flow with the space of adventure. Time after time I am blown away by the generosity of the human spirit, and how total strangers become friends in less than 2 minutes. How others welcome you not only to a meal, but sometimes to a bed and breakfast in the morning, an adventure around town, or getting invited to a gem of a local restaurant, simply because you hit it off in a bus terminal.
I believe we all have a free spirit within us. Over years of being raised in a society of schools and jobs, we often forget this, the adventure of life gets lost amongst the hum drum of daily living. There is truly nothing to re-kindle the adventurous human spirit like booking a one way ticket, packing a backpack, and heading to the road to remind you what it truly is to be human.
A Willingness to Explore
We all have an innate curiosity. Before my first international trip, I had no idea how people in other countries lived. I basically thought that the entire world looked like the suburb I had grown up in. Boy was I in for a surprise. My first trip was a working holiday to Australia at 20, and I chose it because it was close enough culturally to my home in Canada that I figured I would stretch, but not have to learn a new language, and work if I needed to. I never looked back.
Get your Bag and Ditch the Stuff
You’re going to need a backpack, although you’re going to want to bring a ton of stuff, if you’re truly going on an ADVENTURE, the less you bring, the more freedom you’ll have, and the deeper you’ll move into realizing you can find anything you need wherever you are, and that you don’t need very much at all to travel in the world.
The Very Basics
3-6 outfits of tropical weather clothes, a light sweater, a pair of tights, 5 bikini’s and 2 pairs of underwear, toothbrush, toothpaste, bar of soap, hairbrush and a couple of elastics, tweezers, nail clippers, medical tape, a band aid or two, tea tree, lavender and ceaderwood essential oils, Tylenol and an antihistamine. Laptop/phone/chargers/travel adapter, a favorite crystals, journal and pen, a sarong/light blanket. That’s truly all you need.
Because I’m a creative type, I also bring my flute, a couple of sharpies/pens for drawing with, and index cards to make thank you notes/drawings when I feel like it. I also have a small bag with a few crystals/rocks/coins/mementos that have been traveling with me for decades they each have a memory along with them. I also have a decorative sarong I got from a friend, these things get setup whenever I’m in one place for more than 3 days. It’s part of what makes anywhere feel like home instantly.
But I need more stuff than that!!
You might think so, at first. But a lot of time that’s just a comfort of “I have this stuff it makes me feel safe” or “I have this need to super self express myself by wearing different clothes every day”. That’s cool, my first trip my bag was 80L and 50lbs. Within a few weeks, I had seen what I was carrying around and never used, and got rid of it. The longer you travel, the more you will value the freedom that a light bag brings you, and most people who have been traveling for a while have moved to something around the size of a 32L bag, which as a bonus, is carry on size. That means you don’t have to wait for baggage to off load off planes, and never have to worry about connections missing your bags.
Remember, strangers are only friends you haven’t met yet. So how do you know who to talk to? I always say “follow the shiny people” That means anyone who catches your eye, or you just can’t stop looking at, is probably someone who has something valuable to share with you. How do you start a conversation? A compliment or a question about something you notice about someone is enough to start a connection and, once you’ve done that, extend your hand, or as if you can give them a hug. Introduce yourself, and ask their name. It’s really simple, and that act of touch builds trust and connection. Remember to be friendly with locals too, not just other travelers.
Ask Questions About Others
People LOVE to talk about themselves (it’s true). When you meet someone new there are a ton of “standard” questions that people always ask when traveling. Where are you from, how long have you been here? Where are you going? What’s it like where you’re from? What’s your favorite part about being here? Where have you traveled to? Oh! I’ve been there what did you like about it? Etc. Before long you’re just off on a conversation about all the things you have in common. Conversation is one of the best ways to pass 15 hours on a flight or a train, or waiting for a connection. These connections can be as deep, meaningful and profound as some of the longest friendships you’ve had. There is much to be learned.
Ask Questions About Yourself
Traveling is a never ending exercise in your own growth. Why am I scared of that? What would be the most fun for me? How can I have that happen? How do I want to grow as a person? What kind of experiences do I want to have? What do I need to feel safe? What is it that defines home for me? What biases and limitations do I have that I didn’t even know about? Do I trust people? Am I racist? Do I have judgments about how other people live? Can it be okay for people to be different then me? Who do I connect with? How do I want to spend my life?
All of these questions and more will be raised by your travels. Look forward to it with an open mind and heart. Growth is a part of life, and self exploration is as important to a Free Spirit as the next tropical adventure.
Know That Plans Will Change
On my first trip, I planned out exactly how long I was going to be in 15 different cities in Australia. I’ll be here for 3 months working, here for 2 days, here for 4 weeks exploring, here for… etc. Within 3 days of landing, that entire plan had been scrapped, and replaced with a 72 hour train ride across the entire country to Western Australia, where I had never even planned to go. From there, things just unfolded as inspiration, desire and the opportunity to work led me.
While some people like to make travel plans, the true Free Spirit knows that the coolest connections, and the best magic happens when you follow the impulse that says “Go this way, now.” You’ll get used to it.
Help is only ever a phone call or a question away.
There’s always someone around to help. You’ll get comfortable approaching total strangers asking for help with things, or calling for help from a friend. From our smart devices, a wifi connection and a skype account can make mom, dad, best friends and family easily accessible in case of homesickness, loneliness or emergency.
Traveling solo is WAY different than traveling with a friend. By and far, traveling solo you will meet more people, and have some wilder adventures than you will traveling with a friend.
The dyad is a secure and stable space of 2 people who are there to support each other, and you’ll have the opportunity to create memories together that only you share. This is a special space as well.
Know You Are Always Safe
As non travelers, there is sometimes this idea that if you leave your home nest, you won’t be able to organize what you need. Truly traveling shows you the basics of human necessity, food, shelter, clothing, and companionship. You can be safe in the knowledge that everywhere you go, the local people also need these things. You may not always recognize the food when you travel but you can rest assured that you will have access to 1000’s of restaurants, small shops, grocery stores, hotels, hostels, campgrounds, B&B’s and other stores that serve the people of wherever you are, and they will be happy to supply your needs in exchange for their local currency.
Most travelers have at least one scare story of an adventure that didn’t go as planned. These experiences can’t be predicted, and are something that can only be dealt with in the present moment. They often teach you about yourself, change you for the better, and make GREAT stories.
The biggest thing I’ve learned from traveling, is the warm heart of the human soul. Traveling has shown me the true goodness of the stranger, and helped me understand that whatever happens in the world, I am always safe. Reading about it will only get you so far, your first real trip will teach you more than I ever could through words.
Your system of Tantra/Sex Magic is clearly just what I have been looking for. Colors seem brighter, I’m less self conscious and gaining confidence by the minute. I’m growing emotionally. I’m growin up on the inside.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
You are the most lovely person I have ever met. Your love is strong, yet it is compassionate and soft. Your openness is what I need and want. You have a special place reserved in my heart.
Thank you for working out some of my problems with me. I’ve seen counsellors, therapists and psychologists… None have been able to do what you have done for me. I’ve worked very hard to improve… Now I finally feel like
I can kick back and enjoy life.
The next session I’m SO looking forward to. I can feel the progress between each week. You are a fabulous superstar!
I just finished watching your sorrow instructional video. You really go all out. The video is so personal because you developed the material when you were in a low point in your life. I’ve been there and it’s not pretty. I find it endearing you have turned your depression and sorrow into a way of sharing and caring for others. It’s inspiring to know you overcame the odds. I’m glad you are sharing Magic Hands with me.
About the dude tail gating me. As soon as I realized I could change my state of mind at will I went straight into positive. This all happened moments before I pulled in to do the public speaking. I went into it with a real positive attitude, and this would never have happened without you teaching me The driving game.
You’re providing a valuable service and I am greatful.
The workshop was extremely helpful and I can see positive changes in my career. Anyway, traffic was bad and I didn’t plan my route very well so ended up getting stressed out. When I got home, I did your excercises and I feel so much better!
You really are on top of your game. It’s still shocking to me how fast 2 minutes goes by. Magic Hands helps me be fully present whereas during a 15 minute meditation I will rise and fall into awareness.
The Theory Of JoyGasm
Energy in motion through you can feel in one of two directions. Pleasure, or pain. If it is not in motion through you, it is because you are avoiding one of these two states. If it is not in motion, you feel numb, bored, dull.
When you experience any negative emotion, this is your opportunity to recognize there is an opportunity to choose to ride the wave on the other side. If it’s a strong negative emotion, the pleasure on the other side is just as strong, if not more so.
1. You’re feeling joyful about life.
2. A trigger occurs and you feel contrast, or notice how you have already been feeling disconnected.
3. You bring in gratitude. – Thank you for noticing this experience
4. You bring in awareness. – I am willing to feel this fully, for the purpose of JoyGasmic Transmutation.
5. You Surrender. – Feel the feeling, let it ride through.
6. You Mantra and Magnify. Once you hit the bottom of the experience, say the JoyGasm Mantra, and then Magnify the experience of pleasure through your body, opening yourself up to even greater pleasure.
I am the power and presence of JoyGasm. This isn’t real. It’s an illusion. I created it for my highest alchemy. I claim my power back now. I feel it. I feel it flowing into me. I feel it flowing and surging through me. Oh Yes, Yes, Yes! I am JoyGasm incarnate. I feel us in every cell of my body and every molecule of my soul. Let us shine our light to the world, and bring Love to all we see. Yes, Yes, Yes. Thanks, Thanks, Thanks!
Fuck this shit. JoyGasm OUT!
Activating Holy Fire. Death. Fire Pure.
Exctacty, Light. Ride it. XXXX
Go. JoyGasm. Go.
Yes yes yes.
(and then all you can do is ride it hard, all night long.. )
And then theres some more Grattitude, Amplification, Surrender, Manifestation type stuff that happens, and we get into beautiful super loops of gratitude and joy. Wow.
The theory of JoyGasm is something that came to me in the Spring of 2015. My heart was broken, my soul was in pain, my life was unsustainable, and I wanted to die. In a moment that changed my life forever, I went from bawling my eyes out, to having a full body orgasm. In this moment. I learned irrefutably that I could change states from pain to joy instantly and in a second. That I was at choice, that it was decision that kept me in that place of pain. When I realized this, I spent another 3 years beating myself up with the idea that I had this knowledge and wasn’t using it.
All of a sudden, I became non-reactive to many things that has previously triggered me. Instead of feeling frustrated, scared or resentful when I was triggered, I became excited when negative emotion would arise, as I knew it was an opportunity to claim power back, and to find my true and highest connection to the truth of that situation.
Resistance. I am UNWILLING to the do the work. A moment where I’m uncomfortable in my body, emotions, soul, and for whatever reason I am unwilling or unable to make the change that needs to be made or to start the process.
Boredom. When I feel NO energy coming through my body. I know this is a moment where there is something I am scared of, but not willing to face, so I’ve shut down the flow. In these situations I usually choose to pump the energy through my body. To find that high state, which usually results in me crying. I find the pain place and then do the process around it.
That’s it. That’s all I’m scared of. I’m not scared of fear, famine, being without enough or being overwhelmed. I am simply scared by the fear of not being willing to do the work and the stagnation that happens when I don’t do it.
For the most part these days my energy levels move between content, a neutral type happiness where I feel pleasantly surprised, amused and attentive to the processes of life. Contentment can be cutting vegetables, or waiting in life, looking at the sunset or whatever. These are moments where there is a general positive feeling, but nothing specifically amazing happening in that moment.
The other side of the spectrum is JoyGasmic ENERGY flowing full force through my body. This feels like undeniable energy pumping through my body, an incredible urge to work on projects, help people, interact, reach out. Sometimes it’s so strong that it means I feel like to deal with it I need to laugh, dance, giggle my legs, run, dance some more! Sometimes it’s fully there, but quieter, and then I broadcast joy and light to others, when it’s quiet it feels like a tingling sensation through my body, like full body goosebumps from the inside of my skin towards my heart, that extends not out from my skin, and out around me in all directions, and up in the heavens, and down into the earth.
My connection with this feeling has brought me an incredible amount of inner peace and ecstasy. Along with knowing that in my body I am able to respond to any situation with these spaces if I so desire.
While learning to be the master of your joyful+ emotions? Able to drop into JoyGasm in any moment, and turn shit into Gold.
Take a deep breathe. Another big deep breath, another and another?
Join the Next JoyGasm Mastermind
Evolutionary Nomad Entrepreneurs
Create Massive Manifestation
In Coherent Heart Focused Joy.
Registration Closes November 9th.
+ 6 EarlyBirth Bonus Sessions
PS. Also, get ready for the most amazing set of interviews EVER as I launch my podcast “100 Best at Awesomeness Fest 2015 ” Interviews.