All Posts by Elena

Sometimes it takes longer.. Than you want, for your dreams to come true.

It’s true, it’s true. Especially when you’re a big ass visionary, who sees things WAY into the future.

Are you a visionary? Have you had visions, of communities, and families and houses, spread across the earth living in harmony with nature and with each other.

Have you had visions of yourself, leading, sharing, communicating, and transforming peoples lives? Have you seen yourself doing things you’ve never done before but always wish you had? I bet you have. And that’s because you are a visionary.  I know this, because I’m a visionary, and I know I came here to talk to people who have visions like this.  People like me.  People like you, and you. And you..

And I know it gets frustrating as hell when your dreams don’t come true fast enough.

 

It fucking sucks doesn’t it.

You get all excited, start telling all your friends, get on your social media, and then. Then what happens?

 

A month goes by, and you’ve still got that muffin top.

Shit. I mean we’ve all done it.  I did sit ups for 4 days straight, where’s my freaking 6 pack abs man??!!?!
But all humor aside, it takes time to create things, it takes time for those visions to come into reality, it takes time for you and me to become the people we’ve always imagined ourselves to be.

 

Take me for example.  This is me, almost 4 years to the day. I seem to have.. Forgotten to put pants on when I went to walk my 2.5 year old boy to sleep.. I’m Alone.  Again.  Still.

 

A friend of mine snapped this shot one day, I walked there almost every day just like this. But with pants.. Hehe.  I didn’t find out he’d taken it until months later, and he showed me, and I cried when I saw it.  I  cried because it was a true moment.  Because I had all kinds of selfies, and videos, of me being excited and talking a good fucking game.  But at that time in my life, I was struggling.  Look at my face.  This is not an accident that my face looks like this in this photo.  This is because that’s what I looked like then. I was grumpy, disconnected, and depressed.

 

At that point in my life, I KNEW clearly what my future life path would be, I knew I would share JoyGasm, I knew I would recover.. on some levels.. But on other levels, life was torturous hell.  That resulted in the moment above.

If you’re watching this far, and you’re a visionary, I can bet you $10, nah $100, that you’ve felt the strings of depression pull on your heart at some point in your life.  You’ve felt that voice of doubt creep in. That nagging feeling that you were wrong, that your vision was no good, that you’re destined to be a failure, not a success..  and that nothing you EVER do will come to fruition.  Do you have voices like that in your head?  I know I do.  They told me not to make this, and once I made it, they told me not to post it.

Because as a visionary, we have two major forces at work within us all the time.  ALL THE TIME..

One, is the voice of the bright future, calling us forward.  The other, despises change, and wants to stay safe.  These two voices speak to each other, and more often than not, one of them wins.

 

Which one wins, depends on you.  Depends on your present moment awareness of the fact that this dialog is going on, and which side you decide to play on.   And you can change sides.. All you want.. Monday, go team vision… Tuesday.. Fuck this shit.. Wednesday.. This might work… Thursday… we’re gonna rock it.. Friday.. Yes let’s go! Saturday.. I hate my life.. Saturday evening. Okay! Back on target!  You know the drill, you’ve done it.. Hundreds, maybe thousands of times.. And that’s just in this life, this body, this business.  It’s a part of the human condition.  And yet I’m going to tell you something right now that is going to change the way you look at this condition forever..

 

See there’s a certain point on every visionaries journey.  A point where everything changes.

Do you know what that point is?  Malcom Gladwell calls it the tipping point.  Now you might be thinking, that’s the point in a speaker’s career where they start getting calls from conference ASKING them to speak… or when they get really comfortable selling 10k packages from stage and their sales quadruple overnight, or when they get signed for their third book deal.  You might be tempted to think that THAT’S the tipping point.  But it’s not.    No… No… The real tipping point. It doesn’t happen out there, not with crowds, or amazon best sellers, or VIP retreats. Those things are a symptom. A really great feeling symptom of the real tipping point.

The real tipping point… It happens… It happens in here. (point to the heart). And when it happens in HERE. Something changes.  You see one thing manifest, and something clicks inside of you. OH. I saw that coming, and here it is.  It doesn’t even have to be something you like.  It could be like loosing your keys, or hitting your head.  You saw it coming, and you own it.

OWN IT!  Deep into your soul. That you saw it coming, and it happened.

In that moment.  Epiphany. You own your power as a powerful creator.  And that tipping point I was talking about, that’s the moment where you realize that you created it, and that means.. That means.. That MEANS.. That your other vision is about to come true too.  Inevitable.  Undeniable.  Now you might have had this moment in your life, and be saying to me “yeah Elena, I’m a master manifestor and all, but I still doubt myself, I mean that BIG vision, it’s pretty big.. I might be wrong on it.”

 

ARE YOU.. Or are you not.. THE CREATOR OF YOUR REALITY?

If you are, awesome, claim it ALL. Every single moment of it.  If you did that little one, can you do the big one.  Hell yes!  So it’s time to get your daily energy right behind it, like it’s inevitable. When you give meaning to little moments like that, and USE THEM.. To help you remember that you’ve got the universe at your back, and it’s delivering big dreams just like it’s delivering little dreams.  Like every time you leave the house, and then come back because you remembered you forgot something on the kitchen table. That’s a miracle, that’s you being intuitive, connected to your source, and a visionary, and it’s a sign of your power, and it’s a sign your dreams are coming true.  If you let it be. 

 

So I want you to take a moment now, because I like transformational experiences, and I want to offer you one right now.  I want to take a moment right now with you, and close your eyes, and remember a time, when you KNOW you manifested something.  You visioned it, you saw it coming, and BOOM.. It happened.  Doesn’t matter how long it took to show up, it showed up, and you KNEW to the core of your being it was because YOU asked for it.  Let me know when you’ve got that memory by saying a big old YES>> YES>> YES>>
Awesome.. So now that you’ve got it.  I want you to think about your big dream.  You know what I’m talking about, the scary huge one, the vision for your life, for how we’re all going to live on the planet, for unity and humanity, and for your part in that dazzling game.
And I want you to see, that that little manifestation, as proof of your big one.  As the proof, that your big dream is on it’s way.

That’s what all those little moments mean, they mean you are on track, and they are there to remind you of the inevitability of the big one dream.

When you remember that, then you’re golden.  Rolling into that future life, like you’re loving life along the way, and having a grand old adventure, with life winking at you every day, for a thousand little things.

The Worst Word They Could Call You

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt you. At least not if you’ve owned them…

Earlier this month someone challenged me, what is the one word that if someone called you, you would be devastated. I knew my answer instantly, and it scared the shit out of me. When I started to ask people about it, we all had different answers, but the FEELING was the same. Yuck!

Watch the video below and figure out what YOUR worst word is..

Then click the link to watch get a free meditation to help you transmute your worst word.

When road is home, where is the road?

Today it’s been 21 months, 9 countries, 26 homes, 3 boyfriends, and well over 60,000km since I last set foot in my home country. It’s been more than a year since I started to hear her call me to go back. And finally.. FINALLY here I am, in my last 15 days on the road. Tickets booked. Lets go.

There is the unmistakable feeling in the air..

I am going home.

But funny enough, I’m not going home to the country of my birth. That country Canada hasn’t felt like home since I came back from my first trip and didn’t understand how people could live like they do.  I couldn’t understand their suburbs, with their 9-5 jobs and 2 hour commutes, and always living indoors, and so far away from each other.  The culture I came from shocked and appalled me after my first trip, and as soon as I could I got my butt out of the “first world” back to the “developing world”.  After that first trip I spent the next 5 years traveling back and forth between Mexico and Canada, with a gap year for the birth of my son.  He and I had our first trip to when he was 10 months old.  It’s a time of celebration. I am returning to my beloved home in Mexico.  A space where the worst and best days of my life have happened, and where I have more history as an adult than other single place in the world. I am excited beyond excited.  Today as I booked the flights, I had to jump up and scream because it just bubbled through me so much.  Back to this town that made me feel like I was home the moment I walked into it the first time and I said “hmm, I like it here, lets stay.”

Yet If i knew it as my home, why have I wandered away?

It’s a good question, and one I’ve asked myself often while I continued to travel after feeling the call to return about a year ago.

Love has something to do with it.  I went to Bali in search of “a person or a place to call home” thinking that I would either settle in Bali for some time, or find a world traveling hottie to parent and travel with me.  Turns out I actually did both.  Staying in Bali for 6 months, was long enough to fall in love with the all day cuddle puddles, ecstatic dance, and vegan super food for days, and also long enough to feel like my “conscious uniqueness” made me one of the pack, to realize I didn’t want to learn Indonesian, which would forever make me “that jerk who’s lived here for years and doesn’t speak the local language” and for the hyper-monetized and eratic visa and work permit system of $75-300/month to start to agrevate me.  As I sat waiting to have my fingerprints taken for my not so cheep “social visa” in Bali, I yearned for Mexico’s free 6 month visa, renewable at your local airport for a $25 bribe or a quick flight home for Christmas. 

I also realized that Bali was not a place where many people stayed for long. I heard enough stories of deportation, massive crisis, or simply up and packing up from people who had planned to stay longer to know that Bali has a consciousness (as a magical islands often do) that will choose for you, whether you stay or not.  When I got evicted from my apartment 1 week before my 6 month visa expired, I knew it was time to go, and although I loved my time there, I knew I wouldn’t be coming back to live.

Onwards to Thailand, and I found a person to call home. 5 days into my adventure in Thailand, I met Maxim, who I came to admire, love, despise, and love again.  Who I traveled with for the next 9 months.  Experiencing deeply, (finally!) what it is to be a collaborative co-parent with someone who gives a shit about us and is committed to conscious relationship and to creating life together.  What a journey and a blessing our relationship was to me.  Showing me that I can have everything I asked for, and that in fact, once I get it, I might want something completely different. 

Together we made a home of the road, and learned to love where we were in Thailand, Hong Kong, San Francisco, Lightning in a Bottle, Seattle, the airports of the world, Calgary, the JoyGasmobile (my car), Inshala, Edmonton, Astral Harvest, Vancouver Island, Seattle, Moab, Denver, before leaving the car in Denver for a complete stranger to pick up the next day, while we headed across the ocean to Rykiavik, Paris, Nantes, Angles, Toulouse, Barcelona (my love!), and Benicasim, before heading to Morocco, visiting Essaouira, Casablanca, Fez, Marrakesh and Taghazout.  Phew, while it is definitely a life of adventure and travel, in 9 months we had 26 homes.  Many times not knowing where we would be sleeping, living or staying next week, or if we had the cash to rent a place in the city we were moving to next.

On a psychologists list of the list of major stressors of life, “moving house” is in the top 5, along with getting divorced, having new children, loosing a job or a family member.

Wanting something more has something to do with it..  While I’ve traveled to Mexico and back with Alex since before he was born, I’d always wanted to travel differently.  I wanted to see the world, adventure, visit foreign beaches, travel more, more often and in more luxury than I was used to.  Stay in the AirBNB in the centre of town for a few nights, and see the sights, instead of renting a cheep place on the edge of town for a month because it’s what I can afford.  I wanted to skip through France and Spain like it was a hopscotch, the way other people do. Travel like that requires more stamina and endurance than my single mom self could save up.  Being in small town France 1000’s of km away from anyone english speaking while your kid has a meltdown in the grocery store, is 100x easier, when your boyfriend comes around the corner and tells you “I’ll watch him, you go find the cheese.”   That moment is a luxury you don’t have as a single mom traveling, and moments like that that (where I would want to walk off and take a breather, but in a foreign town where no one knows us, that makes me a negligent parent) has stoped me from the kind of wild travel I’ve done in the last year.  The kind of travel that that require more bandwidth and capacity than I had alone.  And I did it. The last year has been a revelation and a dream come true for me.  I now know what it feels like to travel like that.

Now I’ve had a chance to do all of those things and I’ve come to a surprising conclusion.  I don’t want to travel anymore, at least not right now.

But I also want something very specific.  I started traveling for three reasons, Climate, Lifestyle and Cost of Living.  Mexico fit the hat, but so does Thailand, Malaysia, Morocco, Greece, all of Central America, and probably about 30 other countries around the world. 

At this point I’ve seen dozens of countries, cultures, lifestyles, and judged it all as to my liking or not. But you know what they all have? Food. Language. Social dynamics. Also climate, grocery stores, restaurants, toilets, streets, lamp posts, cars, cats and dogs, buildings, views, sunsets, nature, too much city in the cities, commercialization, consumerism, dirt, plastic wrappers everywhere, I could go on.  They all have it, in varying degrees. Thailand has only dogs, and Malaysia has only cats.  Fez’s Medina has less cars, and more scam artists than Marrakesh, but is also sweeter in a way. Essaouira is a whirlwind of garbage on a bad day, but it’s got the best rooftop cafe I’ve ever loved.

I know what kind of dynamic I like, on each and every one of those spectrums. 

Social Dynamics=Not too fucking patriarchal, with a solid expat community,

Climate=daytime temp between 25-28 +- 4 degrees, 300+ days of sun, tropical on the ocean.

Grocery Stores=within a 3 minute walk, fresh and local, organic market once a week, and cheep

Restaurants=meals under $5, and a wide spectrum within the town.  Smoothie bar a must.

So when I’m thinking about where I want to live in the world, based on my specific travel experience, that looks something like like… hmmmm well Bali is cleaner with more flowers and incense on the streets than anywhere in the world which I LOVE. They give Ubudian hugs, but Ubud is in the mountains and I never go to the ocean there, and actually the oceans so dirty in Bali that I don’t want to swim in them, the beaches aren’t as nice as Mexico, and smoking a joint will get me arrested or hanged.  Visas are expensive, changing constantly, and I could get deported for advertising my business.  Scratch that one off the list.

But it’s not REALLY about the stuff, or the things I’ve seen, it’s about the people. I mean, I know I’m not willing to compromise on some things.  Like climate, I don’t do the cold anymore. After experiencing 3 consecutive years of summer there’s no going back.  But I’m like the rest of us, if you ask any long term traveler what they love about travel, they will invariably say “the people you meet along the way.”  It’s true, meeting new people is fascinating.

Along the way, I have met 1000’s of fellow travellers.  People I have loved, and still love.

People who when I look at it objectively, are undoubtably more comfortable with discomfort than they are with comfort. 

I’ve met people who would rather sleep under a tree in the rain, than have a real job.  Who can pack their whole lives into a backpack in less than 20 minutes, because they never really unpack all the way.  People who would rather not know where or how they will get to their next destination than have a plan and stick to it. I’ve also met entrepreneurs, creatives, Tantrikas, kids on gap years, and seasoned travellers who have been on the road longer than I’ve been alive.  Each with their own fascinating stories to tell, and each with their own journey ahead and behind them.

When you’re on the road, your learn that there is always SOMEONE to be your friend for the moment.

You want company for a meal you introduce yourself to the people you want to sit with at the restaurant, you need a good cry, you meet someone at the hostel who looks just like your sister, and love each other instantly, and cry for and hour together about the things that are going on in your life, without even sharing what those things are..  Or maybe just someone who understands what it’s like to travel the way you do.. slow or fast, cheep or expensive, long or short term… There is always someone.

There is always someone, but the someones come and go. It gives you a sort of quirked view of the world.  “Oh, I guess I’m leaving this town, and I’ll miss Sarah SO MUCH.. but I also know there will be a new “best friend character” in the next place I land so… No problem.. By Sarah! 🙂  It creates a kind of loving detachment that I honestly think the rest of the world could use to learn some from.  Then there’s the repetition of SOMEBODY… There are only so many times you can answer the questions “Where are you from? How long have you been traveling, “oh my god that’s a long time” where are you going next? How old is your son, where is his dad?  etc etc.  Then I turn it around and ask them back.. oh joy!  Some days it’s magical, and I’m fascinated by their answers.  On an average day my threshold for this is 2-4 encounters of people asking me these questions.  Some days I answer happily, enjoying the chance to feel their envy and curiosity at the length and breadth of my travels.  But some days I’m yearning for home, and I couldn’t care less where they are from or where they are going.. and my answer to their “Oh, where are you from?” is “I don’t feel like answering that question right now. I just want to sit here in silence.”  in varying degrees of politeness depending on my mood.

Recently traveling has become a ugly, because my heart wants to go home, and wants my friends to be there.

I yearn for people I can talk about the substance of life with, the way I feel about what’s happening in my life, people who I don’t have to fill in on my dirty relationship history, so that they can help me understand the bigger patterns. People who I legitimately care about, not just because they are the only other white person in the airport lobby who might speak English, or because they happen to (have a smoke, get to chatting, take a selfie, get asked on a date, and then get little emoji’s on Facebook for weeks on end afterwards), or because they have lots of patience to play with Alex and I really need a break from him, or maybe it’s someone I actually really enjoy the company of, but who I know is leaving in 5 days so don’t get too invested.  I want relationships that mean something to me, that have depth and width and length.  That have time, and years, and stories, and memories, and laughter, and tears and Ubudian hugs, because that’s just how they love.

When I first started to travel the world, it struck me how intimately interconnected the families and communities in the “developing world” are, compared to how I grew up.  I wanted that interconnectedness for myself.

I saw 4 generations living together in a family compound in Bali.  Yes partially because they are poor and they can’t afford more.  But they laugh together, they spend days, weeks, years sitting together staring out into the rice paddies, and eating the meagre food they have.  They smile a lot, they laugh a lot, and there are lots of them.  Families are large sprawling things, and the friends in town are too many to count. And I want that! Because let’s face it, my family is 5 people.  Mom, dad, sister, me and my kid.  Yes, technically we have aunts and cousins and uncles and grandparents (well, grandma, the one I’ve got left) … But they all lived over 3000km away when I was a child, and are still 1200km from my parents now. The experience of extended family for me was a long long long drive away and something that only happened once a year. So I’m homesick for family.

Along the way, people who wished they could travel more but didn’t, invariably asked me “But, don’t you miss your friends?” to which I would usually shrug, and say “nah”.  Being on the road for 6 years, you get used to the “somebody” factor, and just keep moving on.  But it’s a scam, I’ve never been okay with it.  If someone asked me on a rough day the same question, I’d end up in tears from the pain of missing “friends”.  I’m realizing slowly just how deep that wound goes, how much I’m really just used to not having anyone who cares around. Realizing that part of the reason I traveled in the first place was because I didn’t really feel like I had friends, no one there to hold me back, not since I was 10 and we moved away.

It’s an old story, abandonment.  Almost a better friend than any friend I’ve ever had. It’s always been there.

My own personal friend trauma runs deep, and brings tears to my eyes just writing this. When my best friend left for collage, the pain of being left behind was something I buried really really really deep, with alcoholl and drugs and sleepless sex filled nights, and it tries to come back up every time I leave, or even meet someone I really click with. I often wonder when I meet my traveling folks, how many of them have unresolved trauma from being moved as a kid, from feeling abandoned by parents, who feel unworthy and that they don’t belong in the world.  See you have the power when you travel, you always leave first, move on, be the adventurous soul, look forwards not backwards, keep moving, keep moving, get lost in an endless stream of planning the next move.  No one can hurt you if you have no fixed home and you always leave first.  You get used to the dance of abandonment.

But things are changing inside of me. I feel the place that used to know what friendship looks like growing bigger.  When I left Bali I had let myself grow into my friends, and I realized that as I left I was shutting my emotions down, I didn’t want to feel sad they were going.  This time I made a choice to actually let myself FEEL how much it hurt to leave people who I had grown to love, and I cried for days.  I felt each of them as they left and I cried when I left, for the ones I had left behind, even though they too were traveling onwards in the next few days.

Realizing that every single time I left this next country, my heart broke a little deeper, as I pushed them away, and said I was fine.

So in Morocco I find myself looking at the locals and envying them.  Tonight as I walked through the square, a man gripped another mans forearm, leaned into him and kissed him on the cheek as he said goodnight.  A friend, an acquaintance, I can’t know.  But the story I told about them is that they’ve know each other for years. I’ll see you tomorrow he says, before he walks way.  A blessing so deep I can’t even fathom, and one he takes for granted. That he will see this man tomorrow, and has years to get to know him. Tonight a stranger joined Alex and I at our fire and saw a friend and invited him over.  The friend, an older man, with 4 children of his own, tells stories of how he watched this man next to me run around when he was the same age as my son.  Tears flow to my eyes, as my heart yearns for people who have known me my whole life, who have seen me grow.  Yearn for the moment when I have my second child, and the same people watch them grow, as they watched the first.  Not strangers, not thousands of different cities.  The same people. 

I yearn for friends, and connections that sustain and endure, beyond an hour, or a week, or a month. For people I adore who I see more than once every 2 years. To live someplace my family of origin can also call home, and get to easily.  This is now important to me, and I wasn’t before. I also realize that it’s a hell of a lot more challenging to do that when all the people you like are traveling people and they pop around on their own whims and schedules all the time.  It’s a lot easier when you sit still in one place, with some others who sit in one place, and let all of life move around you.  I see the people here, all around me, I am surrounded by people who have friends, who have connection, who have love in their lives, continuity, relationship.  Yes dysfunction too I’m sure (after all we’re in Morocco, bastion of patriarchy), but friendships and camaraderie they have for sure. Thousands of little moments of friendship all around me.

Traveling lets you meet a thousand people,
but you only get a day with each of them.

Okay, some you have more time with, but with all the meeting and leaving, and repetition, and shallowness it can be an incredibly lonely journey. I am realizing now that I want a thousand days (2.739 years) with two or three or seven people or maybe more!  I’m realizing that I’m finally ready to let that wound heal even further, to do what it takes to let people in, to explore their lives, and spend time with people I really find fascinating and care about, and let myself stick around, or come back again and again, to find out they are really kind of boring and so am I, but I love the feeling of the silence we share, or the laugh we have when we both realize we love upside down jam sandwiches.  Because.. if I do that, if I let that in… Friendship, and sisterhood, and love for myself and for others, then.. then I get to be the kind of person who can actually spend years living in a community of women and men that are powerhouse crazy god{desses, and happen to also have lots of coo-ing mama love to share and help with changing that second baby’s nappies, while we get together and someone remembered my favourite dish, and it just got delivered so I can sit and eat with my besties, while breastfeeding topless in warm summer air, with the sound of the cicadas in the jungle, watching the epic sunset into the perfect ocean. Okay, so maybe it won’t be quite like that, but I bet you it’ll actually be 100x more beautiful in other ways, and I’m finally open to it.

So I’m willing to settle on some things, (like letting go of my last relationship) and win at many others, to find a spot that feels like the perfect spot for me, and hang my hat, and my backpacks up for a while, and see who I am when I do life this way.  Grounded, rooted, home.  To see who I am when I let people in, when I actually make a point to get to know the people around me over and over again, and let myself relax out of always planning the next trip across the world, and just plan a weekly gathering, (or a bi-yearly retreat.. cmon, when have I ever been simple)

I’m feel like I’m finally ready say, I’ve found my perfect piece of paradise and let myself live in it. Mexico, I’m coming home.

Suzie de Jonge on Self Love

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

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Suzie de Jonge

Something that makes me happy...

I make sure that I do something every day that is just for me, whether that be meditation when I wake up, spending cuddle time with my dogs, having a conversation with my daughter - just something that makes me happy.

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self-love is not selfish, it is actually unselfish. As a woman if you don’t take care of yourself, which includes doing things for yourself which bring you joy, it can end up making you feel resentful, stuck, unable to get excited about the future and also cause burnout and anxiety by all the everyday responsibilities that come with relationships, family and career.


How did you start your journey of self love? What started you on your path?

I started on my journey of self-love after experiencing a nervous breakdown while working in my own business 7 days a week, trying to juggle being wife, mother, daughter, friend and constant rescuer and also the loss of a parent. Something just broke inside me. It was after being told by my doctor that antidepressant medications would only get me part way back to my old self and the rest was up to me that I stopped and really looked at how I had been showing up in the world, and started to take care of myself instead of ignoring my needs.

What is your biggest challenge or temptation when it comes to caring for yourself?

Still trying to address the voice in my head that says taking care of myself is selfish. I think that comes from the role of women in my particular generation. We are meant to take care of everyone first and then ourselves while trying to appear as if we have it all together.

What has been the biggest unexpected obstacle you've had in following your passion or creating your great work in the world?

Not an unexpected obstacle so much but I guess being able to stand out amongst so many other coaches, although I think my message is different from the traditional life/business coach and at the same time so vital for many women I come into contact with. Actually it can be life saving for those suffering with severe anxiety/stress/depression.

How has your relationship to challenges changed since you started your journey?

I don’t instantly go into worst case scenarios like I used to. I feel more in control of situations as they arise and take the time to think through things.

Where can people find out more about you?

Full Name: Suzie de Jonge
Business Name: Beautifully Selfish
Website: www.beautifullyselfish.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/beautifullyselfish/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beautifully_selfish/

Valerie Greene on Self Love

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

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Valerie Greene Relationship Coach

Feel the feelings that go along with that magical experience...

It's important that I move my body with some kind of yoga, pilates, or dance. Being in my head might get things done, but love is an emotional experience that can only be felt in my body, so if I'm not exercising, I don't feel any positive emotion as strongly as when I am.

After that, it's important that I do even one minute of visualization around who I really want to be. For example, I say "I am a clear channel for love, wisdom, and empowerment." [those are my top values] And I visualize how my day will go when I'm embodying those values. How will I hold myself? Who will I meet with and what will I say and do with them? How will that feel? What would be the best, most magical and inspiring thing that can happen today? And I really see the colors, hear the sounds, and feel the feelings that go along with that magical experience. That shifts my energy and gets me connected to feeling the excitement of love and possibility.

What is your take on self love? Why is it important?

My experience of love is the realization that all life is connected, deserving of compassion, acceptance, empathy, and care. When I experience this I feel a surge of pleasurable energy, warmth, and joy in my heart. This feels like the truth of who I am, and it's what makes life worth living. When I am busy, I get disconnected from this feeling and I lose sight of who I really am and why I'm doing what I'm doing. That's why it is so important that I connect to this feeling and this experience every day, because otherwise I feel depleted instead of energized.

How did you start your journey of self love? What started you on your path?

I was lucky to have parents who modeled love for me, which is how we learn to love ourselves. My mom taught me that there are no "bad" people, just "bad" things that people do when they are in pain. Even though I learned this at a young age, I of course experienced a lot of pain when relationships failed in my 20's or when I got my heart broken; especially when I got divorced in my early 30's. This is when I sought out the most effective teachers of self love, and spent years practicing yoga, meditation, self-compassion, NLP, coaching, hypnosis, and other emotional healing modalities.

I found what worked best for me and created my own self-love practices that allowed my coaching clients to have breakthroughs in their own ability to experience self-love and profound romantic love with others, so I'm grateful for the pain I've experienced in my life because it lead me to learn how to heal it and help others heal, to experience more love, intimacy, and passion in their lives.

What is your biggest challenge or temptation when it comes to caring for yourself?

As an entrepreneur I sometimes experience that I don't have enough time to meditate or do as much self care as I like to do to feel balanced and energized. Also when my partner and I have an argument and I feel hurt or angry, part of me doesn't want to feel love. But I've learned how to tap into the source of love and give love to the part of me that's hurt or angry, and give myself compassion and soothing, and then transform that emotion into deeper needs or desires that didn't get met. Maybe I wanted my partner to be more collaborative, or give me more support, or see my side.

So I've learned how to transform the emotion and communicate those desires to him in an inspiring way so that whatever I was upset about winds up bringing us to a deeper place of emotional intimacy. That's what I teach to my clients: how to transform conflict into deeper intimacy.

What has been the biggest unexpected obstacle you've had in following your passion or creating your great work in the world?

I've had challenges in reaching the amount of people I want to reach with my work. I'd like more support in that

How has your relationship to challenges changed since you started your journey? 

I've learned that challenges are an opportunity to grow. In the beginning of my coaching practice, when clients were resistant to change and would be blaming themselves or the people in their life, I would get discouraged. But that forced me to develop patience, self-compassion, empathy for them, and faith in my own skills and the clients' path. Since then, I've developed all those things and now most of my clients have such profound, inspiring, deeply touching experiences. But if I wasn't challenged in the beginning, I wouldn't have had the chance to develop my own skills and virtues, and I wouldn't be able to appreciate the profound experiences I and my clients have now. So I welcome challenges now, as another way I can grow.

How can people learn more about you? 

Full Name: Valerie Greene
Website: http://www.coachvaleriegreene.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachvaleriegreene
Twitter: @CoachValGreene
Instagram: val_greene
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV5fnakewbzMZ2yGU-eChqQ

Man-ifest Your Lasting Love 

Learn how to activate the ONE simple secret that will draw a man closer and inspire his love, adoration, and devotion, no matter where your relationship is now!

Rhinda Piche on Self Love

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

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Rhinda Piche

It's called the Breathe of Life for a reason!

If you have 10 minutes a day for self care ~ give yourself the gift of conscious, connected breathing. All my findings helped me decided to become a Breathwork Facilitator, because I see how we DO NOT breath, we are supposed to be taking advantage of this gift, using it to our fullest potential. The Breathe of Life is called the Breathe of Life for a reason.

What is your take on self-love?

Self - Love obviously means something different to everyone, and through my journey of working with people, I searched for the common denominator, and my journey unfolded from there. Once I knew that I could depend on “myself” for anything and everything, was the day I knew that i truly loved myself unconditionally, as the mistakes, the goof ups, the tragedies became less and less of a focus, that love grew stronger and stronger, Im not sure that it ends.. When I say self, what do I mean? That connection to self can be seen in many ways, some see it as a connection to God, to the inner universe, to eternal energy, the source. What you call it doesn’t matter, what matters is that your feeling it.

Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Quieting the mind is one discipline we must all practice, whether we believe in it or not. Our world has become overloaded with criticism, judgement and gossip, filling the mind with useless information, doubting our own capabilities as we compare ourselves.

As a therapist, I have seen miracles happen when they begin to take themselves seriously again and make self-love a mission. Owning your life and then beginning to reshape can be as easy as breathing, and focusing on what you love. These 2 things could change anyone's life if they chose to.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Tricky question because I tend to be happier than ever, being single, not sure if Im avoiding or if it serves a grander purpose, I tend to love all people equally, and have a hard time putting one person in front of the rest. I would imagine this is because I haven’t yet found “theOne” . Being a single mom comes with its own challenges, however my biggest struggle is my automatic response to HELP. My helping role needs to stay out of intimate relationships. I think. Haha


What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

I am single gal, with 4 boys, and very grateful for that, the more okay I become, I realize that most of my past relationships were geared towards me helping my partner, become “better”. I see now, when I put that focus on me instead, everything else falls into place. And all I had to do was learn to breathe properly and only focus on the things that I love. How easy is that?. It becoming effortless over time.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

My work can be challenging because people are still wakingup to the idea that there is more for them, and I have learnt that I can’t convince anyone of anything, so I just keep breathing.

Independence is just that, “Inner Dependence” depending on the inner world. notice how the word “Dance” is in there too. Get to know that inner dance that lies inside you, treat him/her like you would treat your newborn baby,or your best friend, with absolute tenderness and love, only then will your outer world reflect tenderness and love, it will make you want to dance.

“You don’t have to like me, thats my job” ~ Byron Katie

Natalia Levey on Self Love

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

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Natalia Levey Author of “Cravings Boss” Founder of Healthy Intent

Eliminate the junk, give your body what it needs.

I’d start with nourishing your body with the right food. Once you eliminate the junk, give your body the ability to do what it needs to do, and support it with healthy food choices, you’d be amazed at how much clearer you’ll think and more energy you’ll have. This is the most tangible change with the most powerful results.


Second, I’d work on reframing your mind with intentional positive shifts. Don’t get stuck in the loops of negativity. It’s and exercise that we all can do easily, and what I teach in one of my programs.

Here’s an example:
If I fit into that dress, I’ll be asked out on more dates
I get asked out on dates because of my fabulous personality

I can’t believe that ***person just cut me off!
I’m sending love to that person because they may be in an emergency situation

I’m just not lucky
I embrace the lessons and look for ways to improve

Elena HarderJoyGasm Founder and Self Love Expert

Natalia nails it with food.  When we take good care of our bodies, everything else seems manageable. When we don't, even the smallest thing is impossible.  

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self-love comes from taking out the ego and the need for external validation from our thinking process. There’s a Twilight episode “Eye of the Beholder,” where a woman goes through multiple extensive surgeries to fit in, only to find herself in the most extraordinary situation. It changed the perception of her appearance.

What if we were to think of self-love as if it were already there, inherent in every one of us, because we are all a part of something bigger? Not stay so focused on our physical perception but spiritual growth. We all feel the love of nature, the Universe that surrounds us, and the higher being. We are all connected, and are meant to be the beautiful amazing beings that we are. Instead of searching for harmony, accept that it’s already within every single one of us, already in existence.

Once we accept that we are pure love as a being, we can start treating our bodies the way that they deserve to – with respect and kindness, nourish them not because of the latest trend to look a certain way, but because it’s what our bodies ultimately need.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Being a mom of a 12 year old girl has made me realized that we are not taught self-love. Simply the process of going through life, putting out daily fires and satisfying external and internal expectations can create a vortex of excuses and fears, comfort zones and lack of self-appreciation.

Having discussions with my daughter about not focusing on peer pressure, creating a space for her to explore different emotions and experiences, has sparked the desire in me to deeper understand the underlying causes of self doubt, and find ways to share love with the world.


What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

The most important skill I’ve learned is to not take things personally and not give up on the fact that I’m here to serve, taking out the ego and need for praise and acceptance.

My personal accomplishments become insignificant among the positive ripple effect that my work is creating in the world around.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

Hahahaha having to learn a lot of different technologies and skills. Marketing, sales, graphic design, web design. I just wanted to do my work, but realized that in order to get the message out in the most powerful way, I have to embrace technology. I’m also a big time introvert. So putting myself out there is always hard.

Love the System

Love the system. The system is designed by people older than you.
To replace your creativity, with obedience,

To replace your love, with fear,
To consume your heart with terror
To train you to find solace in the bottom of a beer,
Or an empty potato chip can, or an empty wallet,
Or a closet full of shit you never wear,
And a credit card overdrawn 2x more than you make in a year.
Fuck the system, its wants you cow-towed,
Bent in half with your back broken, just to serve the golden cow of commerce.
Fuck the system, you are made for more than this.
You are made for adventures by the sea,
Long moments basking in the sun under a bridge,
Building endless castles and destroying them like monsters with small children,

Entering dreamlands of imagination, and sharing every detail of it with your friends,
until this new world, seems as real around you as what you can see with your eyes today.
The new model, the non-system, wants you to be a unique caterpillar,

Unique butterfly, unique uni-porn-i-kitten
with an iPhone shoved up your ass
in the toilet if that’s what gets you off.

The non-system, wants you flying high as a kite,
expertly landing business deals rocking your unique purpose that only you can teach.

The non-system, wants you sharing your heart, and your emotions.

Wants you standing in the middle of the subway with tears streaming down your cheeks, surrounded by 10 strangers who heard your cry and came running to hug you.

The non-system wants you begging for more,
believing in your worthiness,
triumphant in our collective heritage as human beings.

The non-system wants you expressing yourself freely, sharing with others, offering your best, and loving everyone else who says… “you could never do anything but make a mess.”

So fuck the system, it’s a digital, incrimination, elimination, regurgitation system. We’ve moved beyond the school white walls, the endless empty halls, waiting to raise our hand to pee in the bathroom covered in graffiti that says “burnin’ niggas tonight”.

This is a system where we all feel equal,
where we unite the people,

Black, white, green, drag queen, super clean, nerdy was-been and everything in between. It’s time to show our voice, stand up for the right choices, and be our own heroes. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, and it’s TIME.. to stand up and ROAR.. to Soar! We know what we are fighting for. Let’s not break down the system, but rise above the need for condemnation, let’s rise up and shout, “are you listening?” “There is a better way, if you just open your eyes, you’ll see, the world is okay.” People love each other, they care, they feel feelings, their lives have meaning. Don’t listen to what the TV tells you, it’s job is to lie and keep you occupied. Occupy your mind. Occupy your heart, and occupy your soul. We don’t need all these machines and gadgets and toys to be happy, just a house with our family, our friends.. and for some, a clean nappy.
So stand tall, cross the track, let go of the fight, so it don’t fight you back. Today, and tomorrow.. make a new friend. Fight the prejudice, and bring racism, to an end.

Ps. If anyone knows a production house, rapper, or musician who wants to turn this into a video, I got the whole visual montage along with the text, and would LOVE to co-create.  Love E